Returning to the workforce after several years away is never easy. The market we once knew keeps evolving, and coming back after childbirth brings its own set of challenges.
The Market
I thought that having two kids close together and taking five years off wouldn’t stop me from smoothly returning to my job, but I was so wrong. The market after five years was completely different from what I knew. The whole environment was new, and I basically had to start from scratch. The first six months felt like I was a fish out of water, struggling and feeling embarrassed in front of my colleagues.
The Past
My mother-in-law laughs now when she tells how she was a typist and, after having three kids and a ten-year break, was shocked to find computers everywhere. I had a similar experience: I was a copywriter writing ads, websites, emails, and campaigns, but by the time I was ready to return, my job had been replaced by artificial intelligence.
The Mind
I was good at my job—I could recite whole spreadsheets from memory, every number and total was in my head. Then I had a child and gave them to daycare, so I was only out for two years. I never imagined how hard it would be to get back into my role! I couldn’t remember anything; I had to look at the same report or spreadsheet ten times because it just wouldn’t stick. My boss was patient, but I could tell he barely recognized me. It took a while to settle back in, and it took at least a year to be as strong a contributor as I once was.
The Law
I wasn’t worried since the law protects new moms from being fired, so I returned to work feeling calm. Then my supervisor pulled me aside and explained they were very happy with the young woman hired in my place. She was skilled, friendly, and cheaper to employ than me. It wouldn’t be fair to her either if she gave her all and then I came back, forcing her out. I wasn’t fired—because they couldn’t legally do that—but they relocated me to a suburban position they knew I couldn’t accept, so I had to agree to end my employment by "mutual agreement." And I don’t even need to explain how tough it was to find a new job as a mom with young kids.
The Grind
My boss was disappointed when I returned after childbirth and realized I was no longer the workhorse putting in 60-70 hour weeks and answering emails at 10 p.m.
The Husband
No one warns women that this becomes an even bigger problem when new moms get divorced and struggle to find work. That happened to me too: I had to find a job as a mom with young kids and no support. It was a really tough time.
The Colleague
My direct colleague wasn’t thrilled when I came back after three years. She told me that after I left, it was hard to find anyone to replace me, and she had to deal with unqualified candidates. She posted job ads, interviewed, onboarded, trained, and then had to let go of the first four hires because they didn’t work out. Finally, she found someone she carefully trained and became friends with, and she loved working with her. Then I came back and disrupted her life again because she had to fire that woman to bring me back and start training me all over again since the company had completely changed in three years. She said, “Please don’t expect me to be happy to see you after all this. And from now on, if there’s overtime or on-call duty, it will always be me because you’ll have the kid as an excuse…” Honestly, I can’t be mad at her—she’s right.
Empathy
My former boss was understanding, but he retired and was replaced by a young go-getter who didn’t care if my child was sick or if it was school break: as soon as he could, he got rid of me and hired a young woman he could reach anytime and call in whenever needed.
Half In
I work in a competitive field and have seen talented, hardworking colleagues’ careers stall after having children. That’s why I didn’t quit completely but stayed "half in" with part-time work. I was back working from home four hours a day just three weeks after giving birth. My mom came over two days a week, and I hired a babysitter for three days. Many looked at me oddly, but this was the only way to avoid falling completely out of the loop and having to start from scratch when I returned full-time.
Question Marks
I returned to work after three years and was baffled by what "Slack," "Teams," and "Zoom" were. I couldn’t even use the new Outlook! My most talented colleague took ten years off after having three kids and now has to work in an entry-level position. She’ll never catch up on that decade-long gap, never. My sister-in-law is a doctor who couldn’t return to work after two kids because the only jobs were in rural areas, and she wouldn’t uproot her husband and kids to the middle of nowhere. Now she works as an office manager with a medical degree and is just grateful to have a job.
