My boyfriend and I live in "monotogamy," and many others do too. The word combines monogamy and monotony—does it sound familiar in your relationship?
The Routine
Every week, every month feels the same. I wake up, get ready, he’s still asleep. We go to work, come home. I arrive earlier, he later. We eat in silence, chat a bit—mostly about work—while tidying up. Then he settles in front of his console or laptop, and I flop on the couch to binge a show. Sometimes he tries to initiate sex at night, but I’m always too tired.
Weekends are for laundry and cleaning, followed by the usual sex with the same moves and sounds—like watching the same old movie over and over. Then Monday rolls around, and it all starts again. We’ve tried to spice things up, but after a few months, we fall back into this routine. Is this how we’re meant to live side by side for a lifetime?
Touch
Recently, I found myself wondering when we last kissed—and I couldn’t remember. Honestly, I can’t recall the last time we gently touched each other.
Is It Okay Like This?
I had a boyfriend once where life was never boring—either we loved each other with wild passion or fought with the same intensity. But that couldn’t last, so I ended it. I wanted a calmer, more predictable partner—and that’s what I found in my current boyfriend.
I love him and we get along well, but sometimes I want to scream from boredom and miss the highs and lows I had with my ex. Honestly, I don’t know which is better—or worse. I wish for a middle ground, but where do I find it?
Interest
I no longer feel like we’re part of each other’s lives; we live parallel to one another. I don’t ask how he’s doing, and he doesn’t check in with me. I don’t care where he goes or what he does, and he doesn’t call if I’m late coming home. Honestly, I have no idea why we’re still together.
Purgatory
Our relationship isn’t passionate or exciting, but it’s not bad either. We’ve talked about it, and neither of us wants to break up. Still, he does nothing to shake us out of this lukewarm state. I’ve tried with nice dinners, surprise gifts, sexy lingerie, and role play—all things he enjoyed—but I got nothing back. So now, I’ve stopped trying.
Muted
Our sexual frequency dropped, but so did the tone of every interaction. I remember how much we used to talk, how I laughed at his jokes and he hung on my every word. We had sex, went to the theater, partied, and had fun—the world was ours. I was the happiest woman alive and couldn’t imagine this special bond fading. But six years later, we live like roommates. It breaks my heart. We love each other, but his presence no longer excites me.
Constant
Our vibrant love has settled into gray everyday life, like a constant function. No big highs or lows—somehow, that might be better than monotony.
The Promise
My parents’ marriage was uneventful, drained, and flat. As a teenager, I promised myself I wouldn’t live like that. Spoiler: my girlfriend and I live exactly like them.
Everything Has a Price
It seems commitment does too. When two people say they want to be together, become a couple, and move in, life quickly turns one-dimensional—at least for me, regardless of the partner. Boredom is the price we pay for committing to each other.
One-Dimensional
After four years, intimacy faded from our relationship. We no longer surprise each other with little gestures; both of us do the bare minimum. We wish each other happy birthday, go out for dinner on our anniversary, and celebrate Christmas—but no spontaneous surprises. Everything is predictable, and honestly, that suits us both. He’s a quiet IT guy, I’m an introverted accountant—we’re fine this way.
