Earlier this year, a survey revealed that one in four people aged 18 to 34 never answered their phone—not even once. More than half of respondents assumed an unexpected call meant bad or unwanted news. The study also showed many Gen Zers screen calls first, then prefer to reply by text. Texting topped the list as the favorite way to communicate, followed by social media messaging and the divisive modern tool: voice notes.
It seems the era of phone calls—when teens in the ’90s and 2000s racked up huge bills on their parents’ landlines—is long gone.
While calls were lifesavers for many during the pandemic, it looks like we’ve returned to old habits of avoiding phone calls—and maybe even conversations in general. Shortly after these surprising stats came out, news surfaced about a Finnish hairdresser offering a silent, no-talking service that eliminated the usual salon chit-chat. It became popular among those craving quiet moments. Seeking peace is totally okay, but it raises the question: why are we so afraid of a good old-fashioned phone chat?
Why Many People Don’t Answer Their Phones
“Many have gotten so used to texting and WhatsApp that a phone call feels like a shock,” says Dr. Roz Halari, a neuropsychologist. “With a message, you get certainty and control. It happens on your terms, and you can reply anytime. But a call demands an immediate response and some loss of control.” Halari adds it can be tough to read people over the phone.
“You don’t see their facial expressions or body language, so your brain misses those conversational cues—especially if it’s someone you don’t know well or haven’t seen in a while. You’re really just guessing based on tone.”
“Messages offer assurance and control—they happen on your terms, and you can respond whenever you want.” But as Halari and other experts note, voice calls have huge value. They can help build stronger connections and boost mood. Hearing a loved one’s familiar voice on the phone releases oxytocin—the bonding hormone—which a text on a screen just can’t match.
How to Rediscover the Joy of Phone Calls
The key seems to be “less often, but regularly.” Josh Smith, an expert on the art of conversation and author of Great Chat, offers a simple way to beat phone anxiety. “A new study by Sussex and Pennsylvania universities found that if someone with social anxiety commits to making calls every day for a week, they start to ease their fears. This shows that phone call anxiety is totally within our control to overcome.”
“Start small: pick up the phone to check in with your partner, parents, or roommate during the day. Then surprise a friend with a call the next day to chat. Before you know it, you’ll have the courage to answer unknown numbers or call a colleague to discuss something instead of sending a passive-aggressive email.”
Eloise Skinner, a psychotherapist, agrees. She suggests rebuilding positive experiences so phone calls feel linked to connection and satisfaction. “Calls don’t have to be frequent or formal,” she says. “Start with occasional calls, then create a rhythm of checking in by phone now and then. When we remember happy calls, our feelings about answering shift—from dread to excitement or anticipation.”
In recent weeks, I’ve consciously tried initiating more calls, starting with a friend who moved to the UK. After a few rounds of phone ping-pong (me missing calls, them missing mine), we talked for about half an hour about life’s big and small moments: love, work, what we’re eating. We kept texting, but that short call really helped us catch up. A few days later, an unexpected call from a former colleague had us laughing within minutes, even though we hadn’t spoken in months. Neither call sparked fear or dread—instead, they brought joy. If you share these fears, give these tips a try.
Opening image: dikushin/istockphoto.com
