Op-ed by Borka Schuster
Here's an uncomfortable truth I've had to face over the years: sometimes the people we like the least end up teaching us the most.
In fact, sometimes they teach us the most important lessons of all. Everyone is good for something. And if nothing else, at least as a cautionary tale.
1. Not everyone overthinks it this much — and maybe they're onto something
I've always been fascinated by people who just dive into things without a second thought. They apply for the job, chase the opportunity, stand up for their opinion, or simply announce: "I can do this."
Meanwhile, I tend to keep hunting for flaws in myself even when I'm genuinely ready for something.
I've met people who, in my honest opinion, weren't especially impressive at their work — and yet they went much further than others who were far more talented. For a long time that irritated me. Then it hit me: they had something I lacked. They believed in themselves.
They weren't successful because they were better than me. They were successful because they didn't spend hours questioning whether they were good enough.
If someone I don't consider particularly smart or gifted can still show up with confidence, then maybe I don't need to look for proof, before every single step, that I've earned the right to be where I am.
2. Sometimes you have to learn to say no
Some people have an incredible ability to stand up for their own interests. At first glance it often looks like selfishness — and yes, we all know people for whom that's exactly what it is.
Why won't they help? Why won't they take on one more task? How can they say so easily that this just doesn't work for them?
But even if we don't need to become selfish ourselves, we can learn from these people how to protect our own boundaries.
Those of us who tend to please everyone often believe that kindness means always being available. But you can be helpful without completely ignoring your own needs.
Not every "no" is selfish. Some of them absolutely deserve to be said.
3. Visibility matters too
I used to think it was enough to do good work. If you do something valuable, surely people will notice.
Well, as it turns out, they don't always notice. But the louder person? Everyone sees them.
I learned this mostly from people I thought talked about themselves way too much. People who shared every tiny achievement, who had no problem telling you what they were good at, and who never let anyone around them forget what they'd brought to the table.
At first, that can be irritating.
But there's something worth borrowing here. Working quietly doesn't automatically earn you recognition. Sometimes you have to own your own accomplishments.
It doesn't have to be bragging. It can simply be accepting that what you do has value.
4. Not everyone has to like you
This one was probably the hardest lesson of all.
Some people simply refuse to please everyone. They don't constantly explain themselves, and they don't bend over backwards to be liked by all.
For a long time I saw this as pure arrogance.
These days I see it differently. There's a certain freedom in accepting that you can't be everyone's cup of tea.
Of course, how we treat other people still matters. Empathy and respect are important. But it's impossible to live while constantly trying to control what every single person thinks of you. And that, too, is a lesson worth learning.
Can you really learn from people you dislike?
Yes — sometimes even more than from people you admire. The traits that irritate us in others often point to something we've been holding back in ourselves.
Isn't saying no just being selfish?
Not necessarily. As the article explains, you can protect your own boundaries and needs while still being kind and helpful. Not every "no" comes from selfishness.
Why does visibility matter if my work is good?
Because good work doesn't always get noticed on its own. Owning your achievements isn't bragging — it's simply acknowledging that what you do has real value.
How do I stop needing everyone to like me?
Start by accepting that you can't please everyone, no matter how hard you try. There's genuine freedom in letting go of that need, while still treating others with empathy and respect.
