Research shows romantic relationships matter more to men than women.
What Does Science Say?
While rom-coms and popular belief paint women as the relationship-dependent ones, studies tell a different story. Researchers from Berlin’s Humboldt University, University of Minnesota, and Vrije University Amsterdam analyzed over 50 studies on male-female relationships and found that men expect more from romantic partnerships than women do, making them more motivated to find a partner.
Men gain greater mental and physical benefits from relationships and are less likely to initiate a breakup, which affects them more deeply emotionally.
Facts
Elaine Hoan, a psychologist at the University of Toronto, points out that single men worldwide, regardless of culture, struggle more with loneliness than women.
Since boys are raised to hide sadness, pain, and vulnerability—as these are seen as signs of weakness—they often bottle up emotions into adulthood. They only open up to their partners, leaving them to face their struggles alone when single. Many women in the article’s comments shared their agreement.
Lost and Alone
I recently talked about this with my mom and sister-in-law. Without us, my husband is a mental wreck. My dad shares all his worries with my mom, my brother with his girlfriend, and my husband only with me. They have friends, but they don’t discuss work troubles or grief over a lost pet with them. Somehow, they feel ashamed to show emotions to friends and only open up to their partners. As if having feelings were something to be embarrassed about…
The Missing Emotional Trash Can
I believe the core issue is that most men don’t have close friends, maybe just acquaintances. When we’re stressed, we talk to our moms, sisters, and many girlfriends. By sharing with everyone, we process our feelings and start healing.
That’s why we need what some call emotional trash cans. Men, however, have no one but their partners to share their struggles with, which partly explains the higher male suicide rates.
Tenderness
Who gives a man tenderness? We hug and kiss our moms, sisters, girlfriends, and pets. Men mostly just shake hands; they receive gentle touches only from us, their partners, and maybe their mothers, whom they rarely see.
Friend Circles
I asked my girlfriends how many friends their men have and how often they meet. While we chat nonstop in group texts, talk for hours on the phone, and regularly meet up, men rarely get together with their friends. They have few friends and see them infrequently. When they do meet, conversations revolve around fishing, cars, or video games—not personal matters.
My husband and brother get along well but only meet when I organize family gatherings. Otherwise, they don’t seek each other’s company. For repairs or house projects, it’s usually dad, brother, or my dad, uncle, and brother who come by. Afterward, they enjoy chatting over a few beers, but they don’t plan social hangouts themselves, unlike me with my sister-in-law, mother-in-law, and friends. It’s puzzling.
Extra Work
Alongside housework and kids, women also play the role of their husband’s therapist and organize “friend meetups” for them, just like for their children. My husband has college friends, but if we wives didn’t arrange barbecues, parties, and trips, I’m sure they’d meet maybe once a year for a drink. Without women, men truly become isolated.
