Most of my married friends chose to go their separate ways around 40, but what happens during this time that leads to divorce?
The Mistake
Midlife hit, I got in shape, and let myself be swept off my feet by the first young gold-digger I met. My wife left me (no blame there), and by the time I came to my senses, she was already with someone else and wasn’t coming back.
The Takeaway
Carl Jung said life begins after 40 because before that, we’re just experimenting.
My experiment showed me that I can’t keep pretending my marriage works. I told my wife, who agreed. We divorced, and now we’re both much happier with other people.
Tolerance
I was 45 when I started menopause, and its symptoms hit me hard. I was so overwhelmed by my own struggles that my usual endless patience with my husband ran out. I tolerated everything from him until then, but menopause shortened my fuse. It felt like a heavy burden on my back—I had enough to deal with already—so in the end, I was the one who said we should separate. I’m still managing the symptoms, but at least I don’t have to carry the extra stress of my husband anymore, which makes things a bit easier.
Intimacy
After she turned 37, my wife refused to be intimate with me.
Better Late Than Never
That’s when I finally woke up. Our neighbor, the same age as me—38—passed away. She was a kind woman who lost her battle with cancer in just six months. That moment made me realize I only have one life. I looked at my husband—who was slouched in front of the TV grumbling about some politician—and knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with him. Even being alone seemed better. Right then, I said I wanted a divorce. He laughed, thinking I was joking.
Perspective
At a work party, I was sharing rosé with a colleague I’d worked with for years but barely talked to. We started talking about our husbands and their little quirks, and I found myself complaining way more about my 20-year marriage than she did. She looked me in the eye and asked if I could live the next 20 years the same way I had the last 20. "If your answer is ‘no,’ then get a divorce," she said, before heading off for another round of rosé. That hit me hard—I was horrified just thinking about it. A year later, I was single again.
The Crisis
My husband had a meltdown and changed so much in a few months I barely recognized him. I vented to my friends, who told me it was classic midlife panic. This is when it’s decided if we stay together or part ways. Since he spent all our savings on a gas-guzzling Land Rover and hair transplants, I decided he could continue alone down the path to financial ruin. Since then, I’ve only heard that he’s living on loans because some woman tricked him and drained what was left of his money. I bought a small apartment with my half of the house sale and I’m happier than ever.
