Most men genuinely no longer know how to behave around women. And here's the thing: it isn't only their problem. When the old rules quietly disappear and no one agrees on the new ones, everyone ends up a little lost.
Here are a few true-to-life stories that show exactly where we've landed.
The door
I was having dinner with a guy friend of mine. We're both married, but every couple of months we meet up for a steak and a proper catch-up. As we were leaving the restaurant, I walked straight into the door. Until the very last second, I'd assumed he would open it for me, the way he always used to. He didn't.
We had a good laugh about it, and then, a little sheepishly, he explained why. A week earlier at work he'd held the door for the receptionist, who was carrying a huge stack of papers, and she snapped at him for it.
"Honestly, she said in this really condescending way that she could open her own door, thank you, she didn't need a man's help. I took it so personally that I haven't dared to be polite to a woman since. I don't want to get told off again."
The "creep" who wasn't
I was trying to set my younger brother up with a colleague of mine, and a garden party seemed like the perfect chance. At the end of the night, as we were saying goodbye, my colleague told me she didn't think my brother was into her, even though she really liked him and they'd had a great conversation.
So I asked my brother what happened. He said he'd spent the whole evening waiting for her to give him her number or add him on Facebook. I asked why he hadn't simply asked for her details himself. His answer floored me:
"God, no. I didn't want to come on too strong. She'd probably think I was some kind of creep."
That's when it hit me: a lot of men today are so terrified of harsh rejection that they've stopped making the first move entirely. They only step forward once a woman has made her interest impossible to miss.
If you've ever wondered why so many promising sparks fizzle out before they even begin, this fear of being misread is a big part of the story. It's also worth reading about the shifting rules around who pays and who leads on a first date.
Damned if you do
I'd brought a load of drinks to an overnight work party, so my wheeled suitcase was seriously heavy. I took a deep breath and was just bracing myself to heave it into my boss's boot when I noticed two male colleagues standing right beside me, watching with these smug little smiles.
When I asked if they'd mind giving me a hand, I got this instead: "See? That's what all your precious feminism got you!"
So I set them straight. Feminism doesn't mean rejecting basic kindness. It means asking for the same minimum respect that men simply take for granted.
Fifty-fifty
A long relationship of mine ended recently, which means that after ten years I've thrown myself back into dating. And I was genuinely stunned to discover that it's now completely normal for both people to split the bill on a date.
Honestly, it didn't even cross my mind to pay for my own order on a first date. So I was caught off guard when the guy started tallying up exactly who had consumed what off the receipt. I assumed he liked me so little he wouldn't even cover a coffee and a slice of cake, but the next day he texted to say he'd had a lovely time and wanted to see me again.
I told my younger colleagues about it, and they gently informed me that this is just how it works now. Well, I wouldn't exactly call that a victory for equality between the sexes.
So which is it?!
My brother complained to me recently that he'd heard so many times that women love sensitive men. So he opened up to his new girlfriend about a traumatic childhood memory, and even teared up a little while telling it. She hugged him warmly, and then dumped him by text the next day, saying she was sorry, but she prefers "manly men."
Drills and apple pie
I knocked on my neighbour's door. He's around 35, muscular, the very picture of a manly man, the kind who brings home a different woman every week. I asked if he could put up a shelf for me. As payment, I offered him a slice of my heavenly apple pie.
He told me he'd never held a drill in his life, but assured me his apple pie was tastier than mine.
In the end, it was the 74-year-old man from down the hall who put up my shelf. He praised the pie, too. He said he hadn't tasted anything that good since his wife passed away.
I think that might just be the most quintessentially modern story there is.
Does this mean chivalry is dead?
Not according to these stories. It's more that no one agrees on the rules anymore, so gestures that used to feel kind can now be read as either sweet or condescending, depending on who's on the receiving end.
Why are men so hesitant to make the first move?
As one of the stories shows, many men are afraid of being seen as a "creep" or being harshly rejected. That fear can be so strong that they wait for the woman to make her interest obvious first.
Does splitting the bill really mean equality?
The women in these stories aren't so sure. As one of them puts it, being made to tally up exactly who consumed what on a first date doesn't feel like a triumph for equality, it just feels awkward.
Is feminism against everyday politeness?
Not according to the article. As one of the women explains, feminism doesn't mean rejecting basic kindness. It means asking for the same minimum respect that men already take for granted.
