Millimeter
As a graphic designer, when my boss or client asks me to shift something a few millimeters to the right or left in the design, I don’t do it. I know they’re just asking because they can. I don’t change it, but I send it anyway and ask, “Is this better?” And every time, the answer is yes—it looks much better now.
Office Attire
At the office—where we never actually meet clients—the business casual dress code is mandatory. Since I’m on my feet a lot, comfortable shoes are a must. I solved this by buying closed-toe black slippers and sticking a gold, cube-shaped clip on them. Suddenly, they looked “dressy” enough to earn compliments from coworkers. (They’re suede, but I told them it’s deerskin, and no one doubted me.) Since the dress code doesn’t mention clothing condition, I haven’t ironed my clothes for a year and a half. It’s been mentioned once or twice, but I get promoted every year, so I’m not bothered if my blouse is a little wrinkled.
Respect
If a client is rude to me, I write their name in lowercase on the invoice. Many people misspell my name, and when they do, I reply with my name in a larger font size. If they get it wrong again, I make it even bigger until they notice.
The Spot
One of my bosses bikes to work and always parks in his “favorite” spot. I also bike, and whenever I can, I park in his spot. The bike rack isn’t reserved like car parking, so there’s nothing he can do.
Little Things
Whenever I’m at the bank, I pocket a pen. These robbers take enough of my money, so that’s the least they can give me. When I attended an awards ceremony and someone I didn’t like won, I didn’t applaud. I always charge my phone at work, using their electricity, and even do my business there: it feels good to relieve myself on the clock and saves toilet paper too.
Bugged Out
The seat in my work car is infested with bugs. I’ve told my boss several times, but he does nothing because he thinks the people I transport caused it. So every time I find a bug, I put it in a jar reserved for this purpose and release it in my boss’s office.
Hamburger
I work at a burger joint, and if a customer is rude, I draw a little doodle with ketchup on their patty. For complaining or difficult guests, I always stare at the ceiling while they talk—it always throws them off.
The Soap
I was about eight years old when I first swore in front of my parents. They decided to punish me by making me lick a bar of soap ten times. In rebellion, I bit a huge chunk out of the soap and, despite their panicked yelling, chewed and swallowed it. They had to take me to the doctor, and I threw up, but from then on, I swore as much as I wanted. (So, in a way, they got what they wanted—once swearing wasn’t forbidden, I didn’t feel the need to curse anymore.)
Break Time
I don’t smoke, and when my coworkers go out for a smoke break, I refuse to work until they’re back. If they get a break, so do I.
Small Victories
I don’t update my phone. When someone cuts me off in traffic, I give them a little gesture under the dashboard. I avoid self-checkout lanes. I don’t work at the store, and I don’t want the poor cashier to lose their job because of me.
