A shocking life event can reshape your psyche at its core. We asked people to share their experiences without naming the trauma itself.
The Body
I didn’t realize emotional trauma would affect my physical health, but it did. I constantly scratch my skin without noticing until it bleeds. Anxiety and panic attacks cause irregular heartbeats. My teeth have cracked and worn down from grinding them at night. My jaw clicks because I clench it during the day. All this after three years of intense therapy.
A Life Broken
I used to be a painter, a professional artist. Since it happened, I haven’t touched a brush. The trauma stole my creativity.
Comfort
Unfortunately, I seek comfort in food. I’ve gained 55 pounds (25 kg), and I barely recognize myself in the mirror. The trauma has distorted not just my soul but my body too. This makes me hate myself, which only slows healing. If I lost weight, maybe I’d love myself more—but I can’t, because eating is the only joy I have. For now, I’m stuck in this vicious cycle.
Defiance
I thought, this happened and I can’t change it, so I’ll draw strength from surviving it. For a while, it worked—people around me were amazed at how well I seemed to cope. Then, out of nowhere, came a suicide attempt. I had just come home from work after a productive day when a sudden feeling hit me: I didn’t want to live anymore. Within minutes, without thinking, I swallowed all the pills I could find at home. I lay down with the greatest relief, hoping never to wake up again. My girlfriend had a feeling something was wrong, came over, and with the neighbors, broke down the door. When I woke up in the hospital, I felt only disappointment that I hadn’t succeeded.
Addiction
No one knows, but I’m a secret drinker. I never drink socially (though I rarely go out), but I drink every night at home. I can’t fall asleep without alcohol anymore.
Opening Up
My therapist helps a lot, but even she doesn’t know that when I feel down, I take sleeping pills and sleep through a whole day. It’s my way of coping. Sometimes I knock myself out for an entire weekend.
Metamorphosis
I’m distrustful, suspicious of everyone, and believe no one. I used to be funny, but my sense of humor has vanished. I no longer enjoy the things I once loved; I’ve quit all my hobbies. I’m just a shadow of my former self.
Struggles
Everyday tasks I once did easily now take twice as long. I read emails ten times before sending. I cook like it’s my first time holding a spoon. Handling errands is a stressful ordeal. I barely function in daily life and often just want to stay in bed.
In Secret
From the outside, it might have looked like I "got over it quickly," but inside, I wanted to die every day and cut myself. My mother noticed the scars on my arms—even though I tried to cut where clothes would hide them—and admitted me to a facility that helped a lot. Still, I don’t believe I’ll ever be a healthy, happy person.
Unfortunately, No
There’s a saying: "What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger." I always found it inspiring, but for me, it didn’t hold true. I didn’t get stronger—I just got emotionally wounded. I can break down crying at any moment. I can’t sleep, not even with the strongest sleeping pills. I live like a zombie, as if I’m not in control. It’s like the world around me is muted and my inner voices are turned up, reminding me with unbearable noise of the horror that happened.
