There’s a phrase I’ve said countless times in my life: “Thanks, I’m not eating this now.” And almost always, the next question follows. Or rather, an interrogation. Why not? Are you allergic? Are you sure? Not even a little? Come on, there’s hardly anything in it! Everyone eats this! No, not everyone. And no, it’s not always just a “trend.”
I’m sensitive to gluten and dairy, and there are a few other ingredients I must avoid due to food intolerances. This isn’t a trend, a whim, or “something I just made up.” It’s part of my daily life. And perhaps most importantly: I don’t owe anyone an explanation for what’s on my plate—or what’s not.
Eating as a Logistics Challenge
For many, eating is joy, relaxation, and a social experience. While I love food and enjoy collecting culinary experiences, ever since I started dieting, planning often takes center stage. When we visit friends, I coordinate ahead or prepare something myself. When traveling, I shop, plan, and calculate. Where’s the nearest store? What can I bring? What’s definitely safe?
From the outside, this might seem minor. But inside, it’s constant readiness. Not drama, not complaining—just a fact. Food isn’t a spontaneous choice for me; it’s a responsibility. And yes, it can be exhausting, especially when I have to explain it all.
Dining Out: Experience or Russian Roulette?
Many think I have it easy today: cities are full of gluten-free options, and allergen info is on menus. But reality is more complex.
First, many places still don’t list allergens on their menus at all, or if they do, servers often don’t know what to ask the kitchen to help me decide what’s safe to eat—if anything is.
When there’s a kind, attentive attitude and willingness to help, I can usually order a grilled chicken with rice and some veggies in a way that won’t make me sick. And I’m genuinely grateful for that.
Sure, some say gluten-sensitive people should only eat at fully gluten-free restaurants (which is usually doable in Budapest but less so outside the city), but that’s not a guaranteed fix for many.
Even at a 100% gluten-free restaurant, I’ve had meals prepared differently than the menu described.
Despite having eaten the same dish there multiple times and double-checking ingredients, once lactose-free cheese was used instead of plant-based cheese, which caused me trouble.
This is when you lose your sense of safety. When eating—a basic need—becomes a risk. And when someone takes that lightly, it’s not just inconvenient. It’s dangerous.
Of course, some say, “Then just cook at home” (which I often do). But in today’s world, it shouldn’t be such a big ask to have at least one guaranteed gluten-free, allergy-conscious restaurant where I can safely enjoy a simple meal.
“Oh, One Crumb Won’t Hurt”
This might be the most painful phrase. Because behind it lies judgment: you’re overreacting. You’re being dramatic. You’re just doing it for attention.
But for many, their health is truly at stake. Physical symptoms, days of lingering illness, pain, exhaustion. These don’t show immediately, aren’t loud or flashy, but they’re very real. And even if an adult chooses a diet for reasons other than health, they still have every right to do so.
Explaining Myself as a Guest
I’ve sat at many tables where I had to explain myself. Why I’m not eating this, why I won’t try that, why I brought my own food (even after saying no special preparation was needed), why I’m “picky.”
Sometimes I knew from the first moment that the dish on the table wouldn’t work for me. Yet, they kept trying to persuade me. As if politeness means ignoring my body’s signals. But true kindness, to me, means acceptance.
Lack of Acceptance Is About More Than Intolerance
I’m not just talking about food sensitivities. It’s also about how we look at other people’s plates.
If an adult eats a burger or pizza, comments often follow: why didn’t they cook, why are they eating that, how unhealthy it is. If someone fills their plate with veggies, they’re “eating grass.” If they occasionally enjoy a bag of classic chips, they get judged. It’s like we’re always being tested. Like everyday eating is a moral issue.
Not Perfect, Just Mindful
I believe everyone would benefit from aiming for a balanced, sustainable diet that supports their health. But I also know it’s not simple. Life situations, finances, time, mental health—all matter.
“Healthy” looks different for everyone. And what fits into one person’s life might not for another.
Less Pushing, More Empathy
We shouldn’t push food on others. We shouldn’t take offense if someone says no. We shouldn’t hurt others for eating differently or not eating something.
Maybe it’s time to accept that our plate is personal space. And we don’t owe explanations for every bite. I’m done explaining what I eat. And I truly believe none of us should have to.
