Enthusiasm
When someone excitedly talks about something that clearly means a lot to them, but their audience is uninterested or shuts them down. Like once, a guy in a group eagerly shared about decorative manhole covers—and even showed his dedicated Instagram page—but the others dismissed him with, “Oh Bernát, please stop with your silly manhole covers…” I could almost see the spark fade from his eyes; it was clear he felt crushed inside.
Or when a child excitedly wants to show something to their parent, but the parent brushes them off because they’re not interested or don’t have time. When something important to a child is dismissed, it leaves a deeper mark than we often realize.
Growing Up Without Means
Growing up in poverty. Those who face hardship early on rarely have the same opportunities as those who had everything.
Bullying
The trauma of school bullying stays with us into adulthood—and adults can still be targets. I spent two years at a job where I didn’t realize at first how my coworkers treated me. They pretended to be friends but secretly looked down on me, laughed behind my back, and eventually treated me openly with disrespect. This led to years of depression and a failed suicide attempt. It took years of therapy before I could start to heal.
A friend of mine lost her confidence because her boss blamed her for everything and unfairly called her out in front of others. It hit her so hard that she’s never fully regained her confidence—she’s no longer the bold, confident woman I once knew.
Education
Learning to drive while your instructor yells at you. I couldn’t get started on a steep hill, stalled about ten times, and all the instructor did was shout. I ended up crying, got out of the car, and he drove me home. I haven’t driven since.
And one more thing: I’m a 45-year-old doctor who still has nightmares a few times a year about retaking anatomy exams. My husband can’t get over his math final and physically feels sick when he hears “coordinate geometry.”
Pink Slip
One of my most traumatic experiences was getting fired. I loved my job, had great coworkers, a supportive boss, and worked hard for the company. Then one day, they called me in and said they no longer needed me. It’s been ten years, and though I’ve had other jobs since, I still get panic attacks when a boss wants to talk to me.
The Companion
The loss of a pet. Losing my dog hit me much harder than losing my grandmother, because I rarely saw my grandmother, but Morzsi was with me every day—a true companion from age eight to twenty.
Losing Hair
Hair loss, whether for women or men. A friend of mine was the girls’ favorite in high school, but by age 30, he was bald and had completely changed—from a cheerful, talkative guy to a quiet, withdrawn man.
Infertility
Finding out you can’t have children is a huge trauma for women—and even men.
Trust
When someone you fully trusted betrays you. It could be your partner cheating or your best friend stabbing you in the back. Losing a friend can be just as painful as a tough breakup.
Confession
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t often say “I love you,” so when I do, it means a lot. That’s why it hurt so much when my then-partner didn’t respond. He just glanced at me and went back to watching TV. I quietly cried, packed my things, and left—he didn’t even look up when the taxi arrived and I put his keys on the table. We never spoke again. That wound runs deep because just when I opened my heart, I found out he felt nothing for me.
