You might be surprised how many people marry without feeling love for their partner.
The Secret
As a therapist, I was initially shocked by how many admit they were never in love with their spouse. In today’s world—where arranged marriages are mostly a thing of the past—love is usually the reason two people join their lives. When a relationship sours, couples often look back to those early, loving days and want to bring that feeling back, which is why they come to me. But what if someone never felt that way about their partner? That’s when things get a bit trickier.
The Doctor
I grew up in a small rural village and was still living in a dorm when my parents introduced me to a guy. He was studying medicine and wasn’t unattractive, messy, or unpleasant. So I married him, thinking I’d never find better—and my mom said I should "settle down" while I was still young and fresh. Twenty years later, I divorced, realizing I deserved to experience love. So, honestly, I wouldn’t recommend marrying without love.
Emotion-Free
I’m not a passionate person; I never was, even as a child. While others go through big highs and lows, I mostly feel steady. No emotional rollercoasters—and I’ve never minded that. My husband was likable, and when he asked me out, it felt natural to say yes and eventually marry him. Our relationship is still good—I chose well, and I think he’s happy too. Did I ever feel deep love for him? No, but I haven’t for anyone else either. Seeing my friends’ constant heartbreak and disappointment, I honestly don’t regret it.
A Comfortable Obligation
My first husband—whom I was madly in love with—died unexpectedly, leaving me alone with three young kids. I was never in love with my second husband; I married him mainly to provide a secure home for my children. We’ve been together 12 years now, and honestly, this marriage is better than the first. Even without love on my part, he’s a caring, wonderful person I deeply appreciate and love. Strangely, our sex life is better too—he’s much more selfless than my first husband ever was.
Logic
Since I was little, I planned my whole life: where to study, what job I’d have, when I’d marry, and when I’d have kids. As a pragmatic person, I succeeded. I met my husband at university—he came from a good family, took his studies seriously, and was tall. Those were the three must-haves for my future husband. Love never crossed my mind; I simply didn’t think about it. But after 20 years, a well-built life, and two wonderful kids, I’ve fallen in love with someone who loves me back. Now I’m unsure whether to risk everything for this love or wait to see if it fades.
Interest
The girl was attractive, kind, and very wealthy. Half the town belonged to her family—I’d be crazy to miss that chance. Looking back 15 years later, I’d say our relationship is happier than those of friends who married for love.
Friend
Everyone said their spouse was their "best friend," so at 27, I married a woman who was a great friend and who I liked. She’s smart, beautiful, and charming. But for two years, I’ve been in love with a colleague. I’ve lost weight, gotten fit, started volunteering—doing everything to become someone worthy of her love. Yet, she doesn’t even notice me.
Regret
I married a man I wasn’t in love with, and that choice only brought self-loathing, guilt, and unhappiness. No one should marry without love.
Typical
Our story is pretty typical. We’d been together two years when everyone around us started marrying and having kids, so my wife and I followed suit. We didn’t think twice—it felt like the natural next step. At the wedding, I felt nothing when we said our vows, and later I learned she felt the same. Three years in, after a night of drinking, we admitted we’d never been in love. It was freeing. We divorced in full agreement and have both since found true love with others.
