Long Engagement
I’ve been with Zoli for 12 years, and we’ve been engaged for 11 and a half. The ring he gave me when he first introduced me to his parents is still on my finger — it belonged to his grandmother. We were college students with no money, but his family liked me so much they quickly found a gold ring in a drawer and kept nudging Zoli until he got down on one knee.
Back then, I was the happiest woman alive. But 12 years have passed, and I’m starting to worry: if he hasn’t married me yet, will he ever? Everyone around us is married and has kids, while we’re living the same life as 12 years ago.
Whenever I bring it up, Zoli brushes it off, saying I have the ring, so why spend thousands on a wedding he doesn’t want? When I say I’d be fine just signing papers with two witnesses, he grumbles, "Why bother?" To him, the paper isn’t important — but that makes me feel like I’m not important to him. So he’ll never marry me, right?
Don’t.
Why waste so many years on someone unwilling to fully commit? If you’ve been together a long time, I don’t think marriage is worth forcing. It often shakes up the relationship dynamic so much that the bond can’t handle it.
I know three people who married after 10+ years together — all three divorced within a year. Late marriages like these rarely last.
Ultimatum
Some men take their time, like my brother-in-law. My sister waited patiently for five years, hoping for a proposal on birthdays, vacations, anniversaries, and Christmas — but no ring came.
She confided in me that the next occasion would be her last chance. If he didn’t propose then, she’d leave. The next day, I called my sister-in-law and warned her: either he pops the question on her birthday or they part ways. I hung up before she could say anything — and a week later, he got down on one knee at the party.
They now have two kids and are happy, but I wonder what would’ve happened without that ultimatum…
Decades Together
I never cared much about weddings or paperwork — just being happy together was enough. On our 25th anniversary on the Amalfi Coast, he surprised me by getting down on one knee by the sea. I dropped to my knees too, overwhelmed. Through tears, I said yes, and since then, I feel our wedding crowned our relationship.
Regretful
We’d been together 10 years when I started wanting us to officially be a couple. He was hesitant, fearing marriage would change things. He was happy with our "wild marriage" as it was.
Eventually, he agreed, saying if it mattered to me, he’d happily promise forever — something he’d already done in his heart. Unfortunately, he was right: after the wedding, things changed. We took each other for granted, exchanged snarky remarks — mostly me toward him — and stopped making the effort, thinking the paper meant we had to stay together forever.
A year later, we divorced because the relationship no longer worked. So my advice? Don’t force the wedding.
