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"Left in the Car for Hours as a Child" – When Did You Realize Your Mom Was a Terrible Parent?

Szőke Angéla4 min read
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"Left in the Car for Hours as a Child" – When Did You Realize Your Mom Was a Terrible Parent? — Family
In this article

The Boyfriends

The Boyfriends
Mom always put her boyfriends ahead of me. I realized just how much when we had planned to go to McDonald's alone for my birthday (I wasn’t a picky kid; McDonald’s was a big treat for us, and I was really looking forward to it). But then she got a call from her current boyfriend and chose to go out to dinner with him instead, leaving me home alone. She said we’d make it up later — we never did. I was ten years old.

Discipline

Discipline
My whole childhood was filled with fear. Mom disciplined me by saying that if I misbehaved, zombies, vampires, demons, werewolves, and other monsters would come and she’d give me to them. I truly believed in these monsters until I was about 12 and thought they’d eat me if I didn’t behave or study well. How can a mom make her little girl believe that?

Stealing

Stealing
My mom raised us alone and spent most of the little money my dad sent on herself and her boyfriends rather than on me and my sister. We never had new clothes; we always wore hand-me-downs. When we went shopping, she told us to sneak food into our pockets because money was tight. I realized she was a terrible mom when, on a school trip, my classmates and teachers shocked me by explaining that stealing is wrong.

The Birthmark

The Birthmark
I was born with a large hemangioma, a "port-wine stain," on my face. It didn’t bother me much, but Mom took me to laser treatments multiple times, which I hated. She said it was necessary because she wanted "a beautiful little girl" and that without it, I wouldn’t find someone to love me. The mark didn’t disappear, just faded a bit. When my first boyfriend told me he didn’t mind at all and that I was beautiful, I realized how badly Mom handled this.

The Lover

The Lover
When I was seven, Mom took me on a date with her boyfriend—one of my dad’s coworkers—and left me alone in the car for hours with a picture book while they were off flirting. When she finally came back—late at night—she threatened me with a lifetime punishment if I told my dad. Eventually, she exposed herself and I ended up with my dad. It turned out Mom didn’t even try to keep me with her; she didn’t want me.

The Car

The Car
As a kid, I noticed Mom sometimes acted strangely—sometimes she was funny and we danced, other times she cried and I had to comfort her. As I got older, I realized she was an alcoholic who regularly drove drunk with me and my siblings in the car.

The Razor

The Razor
I was ten when Mom showed me how to shave my legs and underarms, telling me boys don’t like hairy girls. Teachers sent me home, so she stopped letting me wear nail polish to school, but we still did makeup together every weekend. She also "taught" me how to dress and dance sexy. Back then, I thought she was cool, but now that my daughter is ten, I see how damaging this was to my self-esteem as a little girl. Years into my marriage, when my husband saw me without makeup for the first time, I cried when he said I was much more beautiful that way.

The Doctor

The Doctor
I always knew Mom wasn’t a devoted or committed parent, but I truly realized how selfish she was when she didn’t believe me after I was sexually assaulted. She said I was just seeking attention and never apologized, even after the doctor confirmed the assault. She claimed I must have "behaved like a bad girl."

Adopted

Adopted
I was three when Mom adopted me. For a long time, I thought it was normal that she constantly threatened to take me back if I misbehaved and that I had to thank her almost daily for "giving me life" by taking me out of the orphanage. I thought all adopted kids heard this until I met a fellow adopted classmate in high school who was horrified when I shared these stories.

Independence

Independence
Mom had me when she was 16—basically still a kid herself. She constantly threw parties at home. I remember sneaking out to the balcony with a flashlight to escape the noise so I could do my homework. From a young age, I handled everything at school on my own. Mom only showed up at parent-teacher meetings when teachers pushed hard because they didn’t believe I was tired in class from the parties at home. I knew Mom wasn’t a typical parent and try not to hold it against her, but I’m sad I never got to be a kid because I had to raise myself.
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