Having a baby leaves its mark on a woman’s body, but luckily, we can laugh about it.
Moldy Flower
During my pregnancy, my husband was convinced our apartment was moldy because he kept smelling a musty odor. He even took down the paneling in the hallway and chipped the bathroom tiles, thinking the mold was hiding there—only to find out it was just my scent. I realized this when I met my mom, who hugged me and laughed, saying I smelled just as musty as she did when she was pregnant with me…
The Territory
I had a C-section, and the skin around my scar is completely numb. Not just a small patch, but about half of my belly. I feel nothing there. Every time I cough, it feels like my insides might burst out. But hey, the baby turned out super cute!
Nap Time
I pushed for four hours because my son fell asleep in the birth canal! They had to cut me and use a vacuum cup on his head to get him out. That was 15 years ago, and to this day, he’s still my absolute favorite in the world.
Sacrifice
I vomited every single day for 39 weeks. Every day. I even reached a point where I couldn’t swallow my own saliva. On top of that, I lost seven (!) teeth: three molars simply broke off at the gum line—I didn’t even know that could happen. And because the baby was resting on two of my heart valves, they didn’t work properly after birth. That means I now have two artificial valves to keep my blood flowing.
Senses
I went permanently deaf in one ear and developed optic neuritis in both eyes. Moving my eyes was painful—so, all the time. The pain eased, but I still struggle with color perception and have blind spots in my vision. Despite all this, I believe motherhood is the greatest joy.
Falling Forward
Let me just say: rectal prolapse. If you have a strong stomach, you can look it up online, but I don’t recommend it—let me explain. It means the last part of your rectum turns inside out and sticks out of your anus. Symptoms include intense pain, incontinence, and visible tissue hanging out. I had surgery for it, and believe me, I managed without laughing…
Rashes
I was allergic to my own pregnancy, and my body reacted by breaking out in rashes from head to toe. I had to take antihistamines the whole time until I gave birth. My skin cleared up, but to this day, I still leak a little when I jump, cough, sneeze, or laugh hard—oh well.
Constipation
My baby pooped while still in my womb and still didn’t want to come out even after labor was induced. It turned out he couldn’t turn into the birth canal because he was hitting my pelvic bone, so the doctor had to reach in elbow-deep to guide him out. Not pleasant, but all I cared about was that the baby was healthy.
Double Trouble
I was in labor for four full days, and just as they were about to do a C-section, they found out I’m allergic to morphine. Great fun! (Not really)
Hairless
My pregnancy triggered alopecia, which I didn’t even know I had. That meant my eyebrows and eyelashes fell out, and I ended up with a palm-sized bald patch on my head. Luckily, my hair started growing back a few months after giving birth. Interestingly, one of my friends grew a thick mustache during her pregnancy and had to wax it constantly…
