1. Be Wise
“Only have a child when you’re ready to support them.” My dad’s blunt way of putting it might have been a bit rough, but the message hit home even when I was 14. This sentence gave me a strong sense of caution and responsibility, so I only became a father—and with the right woman—when I truly felt ready.
2. What Not to Be
The only thing I learned from my alcoholic, aggressive father was to never be anything like him.
3. Fighting
Never start a fight, and do everything possible to avoid violence until the very last moment. But if I have no choice, strike first—and hard enough that no more is needed.
4. Philosophy
“Work on what you can change, and don’t stress over what you can’t.” Back then, neither I nor my dad knew this was basically the core message of the Hellenistic philosophy called Stoicism. I passed this on to my son: if there’s a solution, don’t stress; if there isn’t, don’t waste energy worrying.
5. Hands-On Skills
Even though it became clear early on that I had a knack for computers and would become an IT specialist, my dad always laughed and told me to learn some hands-on skills too, because “if women don’t find you good-looking, at least let them find you useful.” I wasn’t too interested, but I learned basic car repair from my uncle, and picked up simple electrical, plumbing, and other handy skills from my dad.
A colleague once told me he paid thousands of forints to have someone replace an old chandelier, and my brother-in-law waited days for a plumber to fix a faucet he couldn’t handle himself. When our car broke down in the countryside, my wife was amazed I could fix it. She said none of her exes could have done that, even though it was a simple problem. I now appreciate my dad’s advice even more, as my generation mostly grew up not knowing how to fix anything.
6. Interest
He told me to stretch only as far as my blanket reaches and never take out a loan. As a teen, I worked in his workshop every summer and earned $15 a week, paid every Friday. (Back then, that was good money.)
One Thursday night, I asked him for a $3 advance to go to the movies with friends, and he gave it to me. The next day, when he paid my wages, I saw only $10. He said he deducted $1.50 as interest. That taught me a lot about loans, interest, and adult finances.
7. Repair Before Replacement
If something breaks, don’t replace it immediately—try to fix it first. That’s why I didn’t get divorced but worked hard to repair my marriage with my wife. (It was worth it.)
8. Living Within Means
Always live on less than you earn. This was the best financial advice I ever received.
9. Bitter Pill
Just because someone is your father doesn’t mean they want the best for you. It was a tough lesson, but at 23, I finally cut him out of my life—and I’ve been much happier since. Sadly, not everyone is lucky enough to have a loving, supportive family.
10. Alcohol
This wasn’t my dad’s teaching but my grandfather’s, though my dad lived by it too: Never drink alcohol before the sun goes down. Grandpa was a tough farmer who worked hard all day and saw many men drinking during daylight, knowing how often it led to alcoholism. That didn’t mean he’d get drunk at dusk—he was usually too tired and in bed by then.
At my cousin’s wedding, half the male guests were already drunk early in the evening, while my dad danced with the ladies completely sober. I suspect our family has some tendency toward addiction, but following this rule kept alcohol from being a problem.
Opening image: milan2009/istockphoto.com
