My last year unfolded in an incredible way. Lots of travel, hustle, coming and going, and that feeling of finally being free, truly living—not just planning my life, but fully in it.
Then—just as life often does—the crash came. Suddenly, I found myself in the emergency room, and I was grateful just to turn from side to side in bed. Taking a one-minute shower felt like a major achievement for days.
After surgery, a long rehab still lies ahead, but when you spend weeks in bed, you naturally start living at a different pace. You get time to reflect on what truly matters, what you’ve been putting off, what you’ve done out of habit for others—and, of course, what you haven’t done for yourself.
What We Really Regret—and What We Don’t
I had the chance to read—and eventually the energy to do so—when I came across a recent Cornell University study that really hit home in this state. The study’s core message is that in the long run, we regret very different things than we might expect.
Tom Gilovich, a psychologist and one of the study’s authors, explains that years later, when we look back on our lives, we’re less concerned with whether we did everything “right” and more focused on whether we moved toward our ideal selves.
Because the regrets that stick with us are the ones that say: something important mattered to us, but we didn’t do enough for it.
To give you some perspective: the study found that we’re three times more likely to regret not following our dreams than spending too much time on obligations.
Regrets about “should have” moments—like working more—fade over time. But letting go of ideals leaves a deeper mark because those desires never truly close. In the study, 76% of participants named not pursuing their dreams as their biggest regret.
The Ideal Self We Promise to Catch Up With “Someday”
Gilovich and his team also describe three versions of ourselves: the real, the ideal, and the “should” selves that shape our self-image. In daily life, our “real” self leads the way. We get tasks done, check off lists, meet expectations. Meanwhile, the ideal self—who wants to travel, learn, create, and take risks—gets pushed aside. Not because it’s unimportant, but because it’s vague and elusive. There’s no clear roadmap, no guaranteed success, no confirmation—and so it feels uncertain: better not to stir it up.
We often wait for that big, unmistakable spark of inspiration and the perfect moment when we’ll be “ready” to take that leap. But the study shows this is mostly an excuse. Inspiration isn’t a prerequisite for action—it’s a result, and it usually arrives when we’re already deep into something.
Another big reason we hesitate to chase our dreams is what others might think. Worrying about being laughed at behind our backs or just looked at strangely if we change. It’s easy to believe that after a big decision, all eyes are on us—when in reality, most people are busy with their own lives.
The study also found that we tend to seriously overestimate how much others notice us and underestimate how kind they can be. Many decisions stay stuck at the “someday” stage because we fear others’ reactions—not because we don’t want change. Yet most people are far less judgmental than we imagine and even less likely to remember what we dared (or didn’t dare) to do.
Looking back over recent years, I know several entrepreneur friends who “failed” two or three times before finding their footing and reaching their goals with truly successful businesses. They probably didn’t waste time worrying about what others thought when things went sideways!
When Time Suddenly Becomes Precious
During those weeks in bed, it became painfully clear how naturally I’d taken for granted the freedom to just go somewhere. To have the energy, time, health, and money to flow with life. Two trips were canceled in recent months, and it hurt—not just because I missed those experiences, but because it reminded me how fragile the freedom I’d assumed was really is.
Now, I have plenty of ideas about what I want to change and what I want to keep from my old life. One thing is certain: I’m not giving up on travel and exploring the world. I’ve already booked one trip earlier, another recently, and I’m planning a third—doing everything I can to be healthy and ready when the time comes.
I also know in advance that I won’t do everything perfectly this year. There will be days when I doubt myself, move slower, and question whether living “this fully” will have consequences again. But I’ve decided I don’t want to look back on this year feeling like I only lived for tasks and obligations—I’ve had enough of that recently.
I want to give more time to the part of me that wants to experience and discover—not because I’m sure it will make me happy, but because I’ve learned that lightning can strike out of a clear blue sky. What I do know is that following what truly brings joy means fewer regrets—and that’s reason enough not to put off my dreams any longer.
