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"She wouldn’t be my wife if I weren’t drunk" – Drunken stories that turned out great

Szőke Angéla3 min read
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"She wouldn’t be my wife if I weren’t drunk" – Drunken stories that turned out great — Lifestyle
In this article

The Tip

The Tip
I gave a $15 tip to the girl who sold me pizza early in the morning. She burst into tears, saying her rent was due the next day and that was exactly the amount she was short of.

Courage

Courage
I told the most beautiful girl in high school she was the prettiest I’d ever seen. She said she had a boyfriend, but I said it didn’t matter—I just wanted to tell her. A few months later, they broke up and she messaged me about a friends-with-benefits thing. Of course I was in! We started dating, and two years later she became my wife. I still can’t believe I ended up with the woman of my dreams!

The Record

The Record
I broke the gym’s bench press record. I’m no gym rat, just an occasional visitor, but drunk at a bar I challenged one of the toughest guys. The equally drunk owner opened the gym at 3 a.m., and I still can’t believe what I lifted—there’s even a video. Turns out, when you’re drunk, your brain reacts slower, so your muscles don’t regulate as quickly—this is called "drunk strength." My arms hurt for weeks, but luckily no lasting damage. I’m still a legend at that gym.

Oops

Oops
My son and daughter.

The Speech

The Speech
I saved my awful ex from suicide. Coming home drunk from a party, I found her holding a knife to her wrist, saying she couldn’t live without me. I hated her—she treated me badly and hit me multiple times during our years together—so sober me would’ve just walked away. But luckily, I was drunk on Mother Teresa’s spirit and gave her a heartfelt talk about why life’s still worth living. She still messages me every few years to say how much that meant, even though I barely remember what I said.

The Pill

The Pill
I saved a girl’s life at an illegal party in an abandoned factory. I arrived already wasted. On my way to the bathroom, I saw a girl swaying by a window. While washing my hands, I heard her mumbling about being able to fly—and then realized we were on the third floor! Just as she was about to jump, I grabbed her leg and pulled her back. The adrenaline sobered me enough to call an ambulance, who took her away immediately. I never found out what happened to her, but the important thing is she didn’t jump out the window.

The Post

The Post
It’s embarrassing to admit now, but at 19 I thought it was a great idea to share a Snapchat video of me peeing drunk. I barely remembered it, but woke up to over 3,000 likes the next morning. That questionable fame landed me an internship in media, which launched my career.

The Piece

The Piece
I bought an expensive little red hat I’d never have chosen sober. When it arrived and I tried it on, it turned out to suit me perfectly. It’s still one of my favorite pieces, earning me tons of compliments and always boosting my confidence!

The Task

The Task
I finally painted that few square meters of stained kitchen wall that had been bothering me for almost a year—I just kept putting it off.

Honestly

Honestly
I never drink because I always drive, but once I slipped up. After my fourth shot, I told my "best friend" she was a two-faced, unbearable person who’s been using me for years—inviting me out just so someone would take her home. Without alcohol, I never would’ve had the guts to tell her off, even though I’d been ready for years.
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