There’s a sentence I still find hard to say even after years of freelancing: “This is what my work costs, and it costs this much because I’m really good at it.”
Yet I’ve had to say this hundreds of times, since as a freelancer, I’ve probably been in more salary negotiations than many people in their entire careers.
Still, every single time there’s a tension inside me, a reflex whispering to be cautious, modest, and accommodating.
It’s like the world expects me to ask for less, accept offered prices more easily, be “reasonable”—and it’s hard not to see how much of this mindset comes from being raised as a woman.
The toughest realization came years ago when I was talking with a male colleague about how much we each charge for the same type of work. He casually stated his price, and I froze.
He earned several times more than I did for the exact same tasks. Exactly the same.
He didn’t have more experience, didn’t do better work, and wasn’t faster. He was simply a man who from the start took it for granted that he should ask for money for his skills. I, as a woman, had learned to smile politely, adapt, ask gently—and if possible, not bother anyone by clearly stating my worth, mostly just be glad to get the job at all.
Standing Up for Myself
That was the moment I first faced the truth: when I handle my own affairs, I have to represent my own interests. If I don’t state the price I want, no one else will do it for me. But it’s far from as simple as it sounds.
Most girls are taught early on to be “nice,” “kind,” “accommodating,” “modest”. That too much confidence is rude, and clear demands come off as pushy. So as adults, talking about money becomes especially uncomfortable—because we have to talk about our own value.
It didn’t get easier when I finally believed my work is worth the price I ask for. Because then come offers so low you wonder if you read them wrong. When a multi-day job is offered at a rate that in a salaried position might only cover two hours of work. When someone says about a creative task, “I won’t pay that much, others do it for half the price.” All this after they reached out to me because they heard I’m the best—yet they don’t understand why I’m not the cheapest.
It’s easy to hear that voice in your head telling you you’re asking for too much. That you’re being too bold. That maybe you should give in so the client doesn’t walk away.
But these thoughts work because they tap into a deep social conditioning drilled into us for centuries: a woman shouldn’t want too much.
A Woman Should Be Grateful. A Woman Should Be Glad to Work at All.
When I realized this, I started negotiating pay completely differently. Now I don’t see the price as a favor I hope my client will approve. The price is a fact: this is what my experience, knowledge, and creative energy cost. When I get the money, it’s not a favor—they’re paying for a service they needed just as much as I needed the money.
Today, I don’t take every job, and I’m confident stating my price. Ironically, I have fewer clients, but since they pay better, my income hasn’t dropped. More importantly, I work happily and respectfully with those clients who value my work. Because when someone respects your work, they respect your price. And respect is probably the most important ingredient for a long-term partnership.
