Opinion: Borka Shoemaker
Lately, I’ve been encountering a movement that started gaining ground in the United States called “Out of Office for Care”. Its idea is simple yet surprisingly bold: employees—mostly women—openly let their workplaces and colleagues know when they have caregiving duties.
Instead of the usual polite automatic email replies during their absence, messages say things like “I’m unavailable because I just had a baby, but due to the care system, I’ll probably return before I’m ready”, or “I’m not checking emails because I’m at the hospital with my mom, but I’ll reply over the weekend since I can’t afford to be out of work for weeks.”
The movement aims to make visible the often hidden work involved in raising children, caring for elders, or simply managing family life.
At first, you might think this is a typically American issue. In places where paid parental leave isn’t always guaranteed, missing work carries a very different weight. Looking from Hungary, it’s easy to say: at least we have this covered. And indeed, the system generally ensures parents—especially mothers—can stay home after their child’s birth.
But the story doesn’t end here. In fact, this might be just the beginning.
When we return to work, a different, less visible challenge hits us. Kids’ illnesses, settling into daycare, logistics, constant organizing—these tasks usually fall on mothers. Sick leave, scheduling appointments, deciding “who picks up today” aren’t shared equally, even if responsibility is equal on paper.
While managing all this, there’s another, perhaps heavier task: proving ourselves. Proving we can handle the same workload. That we’re not a risk. That we can be counted on. Because if not, we quickly get sidelined from key projects, miss out on opportunities, and quietly fade into the background.
So many of us just keep quiet. We figure it out. We juggle. Wake up earlier, go to bed later. Quietly balancing two—or really three—shifts. And meanwhile, we try to act like it’s not that overwhelming.
Recently, I had a meeting about a potential job. We started talking about deadlines and meetings that require in-person attendance. Everyone was very flexible—at least on paper. “We’ll adjust,” “we’ll discuss,” “we’ll see.” And as I listened, I felt the tension building inside me.
Because I knew exactly what this meant in practice.
Finally, I said it out loud: this won’t work for me. I have a child. I need to be there for them. Their needs don’t “flexibly change.” If I don’t know my weekly schedule in advance, I can only manage with huge mental strain and constant stress. And I don’t want that.
The team promised to work with pre-arranged times and avoid last-minute changes. Whether that will really happen, I don’t know yet. But I do know that saying “this won’t work for me” sparked something important inside me.
Maybe this is exactly what we need here too. Not necessarily a movement, but the kind of honesty that “Out of Office for Care” represents.
To say it out loud: caregiving is work. Time, energy, organizing. It’s not something to be done invisibly in the background.
Until we say this, everything stays the same. And we keep carrying a burden we shouldn’t have to bear alone.
And maybe it’s time to expect others to take this seriously too. After all, this is a family-friendly country—or at least we like to say so. It’s time to give those words real meaning.
