Many parents are stunned to realize their kids aren’t as hardworking or goal-driven as they once were.
Where Did I Go Wrong?
My son is 18, and when I was his age, I was already earning money. I had to, since after the political changes, both my parents lost their jobs, and we lived for nearly a year and a half on what I brought home. Of course, this isn’t an ideal or typical situation, and I’d never want my child to be the breadwinner, but he shows absolutely no drive to find a job. I thought my husband and I raised him well, but now we’re doubting it because he won’t even take a part-time student job. It’s heartbreaking.
No.
I suggested to my 21-year-old college daughter that she might look for a job since her studies don’t really keep her busy except before exams. She looked up from her phone with an annoyed expression, said "no," and went right back to watching her hundredth TikTok video. She said it as if even suggesting she work was an insult. Should I threaten her or try to negotiate? I’m completely lost.
Room and Board
We’re not struggling financially — the four of us live in a big house — but honestly, we thought our kids would have flown the nest by their twenties. My wife plans to turn our daughter’s space into a pottery studio, and I want to make a workshop out of my son’s room, but neither has any intention of moving out. It’s totally normal to them that my wife cooks, cleans, and does their laundry, while I drive them around and act like an ATM. One is finishing a weak college program by correspondence, the other just took a gap year and currently does nothing but party and play video games. I’m patient, but I’m starting to feel like our home is an all-inclusive hotel and we’re the staff.
The Mistake
I know it’s my fault that my kid turned out so unmotivated. When she was 14, we divorced, and her dad tried to prove he was the best parent by showering her with expensive gifts. Foolishly, I joined that competition. The result is a moody, stubborn teenager who appreciates nothing and can’t really enjoy anything because she’s always gotten everything she wanted. She says she wants to be an influencer and laughed when I told her she’d be better off finding a real job. She cares only about her nails, hair extensions, makeup, and fashion — nothing else. I’ve arranged two jobs for her, but she quit after a few days, and I don’t know how to motivate or push her.
Fading Enthusiasm
I registered my kids at my company so it would look like they have jobs and can build up some retirement benefits. Before that, we agreed they wouldn’t have to do much — just clean the office once a week and post one or two updates or photos on the company’s Facebook page. They could take turns cleaning since it only takes about an hour to tidy the whole place, and writing a post takes just a few minutes. They were enthusiastic the first month, less so the second, and by the third, I was back to cleaning and posting myself.
They have zero sense of responsibility. When I was their age, it was natural to work after school if I wanted new clothes or to go to a concert, paying for those things myself. They just expect to be handed things, and I’m the fool who keeps giving them money… The funniest part is I recently overheard my daughter telling a friend she "works" because she has a "job" at the family business. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Dependents
We bought my kids their apartment and car. We pay the bills, the gas, and they often ask us to "send some money" to their accounts. My husband and I are doctors who met in university and earned everything we have through hard work. Our families couldn’t support us financially, and during residency, we sometimes went hungry or lived on bread and sour cream for weeks. My kids don’t get this—they grew up comfortably. I’m glad we could provide that, but we didn’t realize it would come at the cost of raising completely unmotivated, lazy adults. I barely admit it to myself, but I know we’ll support them for life. After we’re gone, they’ll blow through everything we leave them in no time…
