1. The Camel
In Tunisia, I saw an angry camel gag and then swallow something back down. Later I learned it wasn’t its stomach, but its soft palate—but it was still a big, pink bundle…
2. The View
I worked security at a local awards show. My spot was right by the small stage, with celebrities’ feet roughly at chest height. When I relieved my colleague during a break, he winked and said I’d have a great view because most of the star ladies didn’t wear underwear. I didn’t believe him—until a famous singer accepted an award from a well-known, middle-aged but still stunning actress. Neither was wearing underwear.
3. Campfire
I was waiting for my girlfriend in the car when I saw an elderly lady come out of a house carrying a pile of stuff (clothes and other things). She dropped it on the ground, doused it with something, and set it on fire. When she noticed I was watching, she just said, “That damn old man cheated on me.” Then she went back inside.
4. Dani
I picked up a buddy to go play pool. He was with a guy he introduced as Dani. Dani asked to stop at a house where he ran inside for a moment. While we waited, my friend and I chatted.
A few minutes later, the door burst open, Dani ran out yelling, “Step on it!” I locked the doors so he couldn’t get in and quickly backed up, but he jumped onto the hood. At the next turn, he cursed as he fell off, breaking one of my windshield wipers.
It turned out he’d gone to his dealer, grabbed a bunch of drugs, and was trying to use us as a getaway car without telling us.
5. Speed
A sports car driver kept honking and cutting through traffic in the morning jam. When he sped past me cursing, I wished he’d crash into the first lamppost—and right then, he did.
6. Surprise
We had a turkey that loved to wander onto the house’s terrace. The neighbor kept complaining about it. One day, he rang the bell again threatening to report us, and while he was explaining, the turkey—who was just relieving itself—splattered its head right on him. I’ve never laughed so hard.
7. Flying
I saw a cyclist run a red light and crash head-on into a car. I watched in disbelief as the bike slammed into the vehicle and the rider flew right onto the bed of the truck in front, which was carrying sand. He got away with minor injuries.
8. The Moment
We were leaving my girlfriend’s parents’ place—I was just asking her dad for permission to propose, we were so happy—when she told me she was in love with a coworker and didn’t want to come with me, but didn’t want to cancel the Sunday lunch at her parents’ either.
While I was trying to process this shock, I saw a little boy pushing a stroller on his scooter outside, a pigeon flew into a lamppost, and from a nearby café, “I Will Always Love You” was playing. It was so many sensory hits at once that I found a bench, lay down, and dissociated for an hour.
9. The Eye
I was watching a podcast with a retired cage-fighting world champion. The guest asked how he managed to successfully operate on his right eye after the retina detached from a kick a few years earlier. The ex-champion laughed and then took out his prosthetic eye! It turned out he won a championship belt with just one eye.
