Set your own exit. You do not owe anyone the whole evening. Leaving after the speeches with a genuine smile is worth far more to your children than staying until midnight and curdling. And give yourself the next day: these events empty people out in a way that surprises them, often because they stir grief for a version of the future that was quietly shelved years ago.
What if I'm nowhere near that friendly with my ex?
Then aim lower and call it success. Reliable, polite, non-escalating contact is a genuine achievement, and it protects children just as effectively as a chummy relationship does. If every exchange still ends in a fight, keep communication to written logistics only, use a shared calendar rather than negotiation, and consider working with a family mediator or therapist — particularly if there was coercion or fear in the relationship, where "just be friendly" is not appropriate advice at all.
How do I handle my ex's new partner at a family event?
Decide on one neutral greeting and one neutral question before you arrive, and let that be the whole interaction if you want it to be. You are not required to build a friendship, only to make it safe for your child to like them; refusing to acknowledge someone your child spends weekends with puts her in the middle of a loyalty test she cannot pass. If you find the sight of them genuinely painful, that is worth taking to a friend or a professional afterwards rather than managing alone in a function room.
