The Bird
I was sitting on the balcony when a crow landed on the railing. I told it that “yes” means two caws, “no” means one. I asked if it understood, it cawed twice for yes. Then I asked if I should jump, it cawed once for no.
The Guy
I was in rehab, thinking I couldn’t quit drugs and had ruined my family. I planned to buy enough from my last money to end it all. Then I met a guy who was the funniest person there, making everyone laugh. Two years earlier, he’d overdosed and survived but lost his sight. Despite that, he came to rehab to inspire others with his story. His love for life made me decide to live, and I’ve been clean for three years.
The Checkout
I went to buy a rope because I couldn’t find one strong enough at home. At the checkout, my card didn’t have enough money. I was too broke even to kill myself. The absurdity made me laugh until tears streamed down my face. Laughing and crying at once felt so good that I lost the will to hang myself.
In the Cold
I decided my daughter loved her dad more—he’s well-off and successful, not a broke loser like me—so if I died, she’d be better off. I had it all planned when I got a call: my ex-husband went to jail for embezzlement. There was no one to leave my child with, so I chose to pull myself together and be the best parent I could.
The Driver
I drove down a snowy slope and floored the gas in a curve. The car spun but miraculously stopped in the middle of the road, not over the cliff. Still, I decided to jump in front of the next vehicle. I climbed a big rock by the road and waited. A truck came, slowed, stopped, and the driver—a big bearded man—smiled kindly and said, “Car broke down, boss? I’ll help push.” He walked over to my car. I felt so foolish I never tried suicide again.
The New Caretaker
The old caretaker was a rude, grumpy guy everyone hated. I had planned to kill myself by slitting my wrists, but suddenly we got a new caretaker—a kind, friendly old man. I couldn’t let him find my bloody body.
Plan Up in Smoke
I had been planning my suicide for a year when my brother died in a car accident. At the funeral, my mother said she would die if she lost me too.
The Blade
The blade was already on my wrist when my dog came into the room, saw me crying, and licked my tears away.
The Match
I wanted to kill myself after my favorite cage fighter’s world championship match, but his opponent got injured and the fight was postponed three months. I thought I could hold on that long—and by the time the match came, I no longer wanted to die.
Coincidences
I was shopping in a hypermarket, thinking about suicide. It was a few months after my spine surgery, and the constant pain was unbearable. I felt I had no choice: become addicted to meds or die, because I couldn’t live with the suffering. I saw an older woman crying by the dairy section. I asked if she was okay and if I could help. She said no—she was mourning her daughter who had committed suicide weeks earlier after spine surgery pain. I was stunned by the odds of this meeting! My rehab lasted two years and was hell, but now I’m better. In my darkest moments, what kept me going was not wanting my mother to cry after me like that woman did for her daughter.
Opening image: Slavica/istockphoto.com
Need help?
- The Hungarian Association of Mental First Aid Phone Services (LESZ) is available 24/7 at 116-123. You can also call 06 80 810-600 Fridays 7pm to Wednesdays 1pm, and reach LESZ staff on Skype weekdays 5pm to midnight.
- The Ecumenical Aid Organization offers anonymous online messaging support.
- The NANE Association supports abused children and women. Their anonymous, free hotline is 06-80-505-101, open Mon, Tue, Thu, Fri 6–10pm, Wed 12–2pm, with chat support Wed 4–6pm.
