My daughter has asked some truly unexpected questions—like "Where is a snake's neck?" "Why is a giraffe's tongue blue?" or "How do we know space is infinite and we just haven't reached the end?"—questions no parenting book could have fully prepared me for.
But beyond the fun questions, there are deeper topics I’ve prepared to discuss intentionally because I know what I say about them can shape my daughter’s lifelong relationship with herself. These include body weight, skincare, and relationships.
All three are sensitive, complex subjects often loaded with societal expectations, judgments, and shame-based messages. That’s why I believe if I don’t talk about them consciously—with a focus on health and self-esteem—someone else will, and it might not be in a way that serves her well.
My first and most important rule: body weight, skin, and relationships should never be about shame or pressure to conform.
Shame doesn’t inspire healthy change—it only breeds guilt, anxiety, and suppression.
My aim is for my daughter to develop a relationship with her body where she feels ownership and responsibility. We don’t exercise, eat veggies, or wash our faces because we "have to" or "need to meet expectations." We do it because our bodies are lifelong partners. They deserve care, and we deserve to feel good in them.
About Body Weight
When it comes to body weight, I never talk about "gaining" or "losing" weight. Instead, I focus on how strong she is, how much energy she has, and how well she can run, jump, or bike. The emphasis is always on the body’s performance, function, and health—not its size.
If a classmate makes a comment about someone’s appearance, we talk about how other people’s bodies aren’t for judging. It’s natural that people come in different shapes and sizes—everyone is unique, and no one is better or worse.
About Skincare
We don’t treat skincare like a never-ending battle for “perfect” skin either. When I remove my makeup or do my skincare routine at night and my daughter is bustling around the bathroom, we talk about how skincare isn’t about never having a pimple or wrinkle—both are natural and unavoidable.
I care for my skin because I love it, because it’s part of me, and I want to give it what it needs. When I encourage her to use moisturizer after bathing or show her how to wash her face after a long day, I always say: we do this not to please others, but because our skin feels better this way.
Skincare is care, not a beauty project. It’s okay if skin sometimes looks tired, red, or has pimples—that’s life, not failure.
About Relationships
I believe self-image and relationships are deeply connected. It naturally raises the question: is it enough to like ourselves, or do we also want others to like us?
The desire for attention from someone we find attractive is natural, but I try to plant the idea that the most important thing in a relationship is how we treat others, how they treat us, and how we feel in the relationship.
In other words, what matters isn’t how you or your partner look, but how you feel. Respect, honesty, and compassion are far stronger foundations than any “romantic ideal.” I want my daughter to know that a healthy relationship gives space, doesn’t restrict; supports, doesn’t criticize; builds up, doesn’t shame.
In these talks, I always emphasize that my daughter shouldn’t try to meet external expectations, but her own inner standards. To love her body even when it’s not at its best. To not feel pressured to erase every pimple just because magazines don’t show them. To never believe she has to prove anything with her looks in a relationship.
My goal is simple: her relationship with her body is built on acceptance and love, not shame. To know her body isn’t a project, a debate topic, or a report card—but the stage of her life. I truly believe that if she learns to treat it with respect and acceptance, she’ll start life with a strong, healthy foundation.
