Over the past six Christmases, I’ve learned a lot about how to celebrate in a way that doesn’t overwhelm my child, who thrives on routines and can get emotionally overloaded easily. Because as beautiful as this season is, the bright lights, endless events, fluctuating attention from relatives, and flood of gifts can all be simply too much for an autistic child.
The tips I’m sharing have been a huge help for our family. They’re not hard rules and won’t work for everyone—but they might inspire you. In fact, I can even imagine they’d be useful for neurotypical kids, too—because no matter how magical Christmas is, it can be tiring for any child.
Less Is More
We all know Christmas isn’t about the gifts—but sometimes it’s really hard not to buy that extra tower clock with a chain for the kid. From my experience, grandparents often go overboard: they shop with all their love and good intentions, but the sheer amount can be more than a child can emotionally handle.
They don’t know which to focus on, jumping from one box to another, feeling more and more overwhelmed and unsure. This often ends in tears or a complete shutdown, which is tough on everyone—especially the child.
For us, choosing fewer but meaningful gifts works best. Ones they can truly engage with, that match their current interests, and don’t flood them with new stimuli. After unwrapping, we always sit down to play together. Often, this shared playtime becomes the best part of the holiday—not the gift itself, but the time spent together.
Visiting Relatives with Safe Spaces
Holiday visits with relatives are a lovely tradition, and it’s important to me to see family members I haven’t met in a while. But I also understand that for a child, the twentieth hug from a great-aunt or the “Now, sing us something!” kind of expectations can be incredibly overwhelming.
During these times, I act as a buffer: watching my child’s facial expressions, posture, and signals. When do they start to feel overwhelmed? When do they get tense? When do they pull away? If I see it’s too much, I immediately offer an escape route.
We always have noise-cancelling headphones, a favorite book, and it’s totally okay for them to retreat to another room.
If needed, I’ll even start a story for them—because if this helps them calm down, why not use it?
It’s a given for us that no one has to give kisses, recite poems, or perform under the tree. The child isn’t a circus act—they deserve to experience the holiday safely and without pressure.
Remember What Christmas Is Really About
Parents often fall into the trap of expecting kids to "behave well" and participate politely in the holiday hustle after all the decorating, cooking, and organizing. But when a child is overwhelmed, it’s not out of ingratitude—it’s simply because there’s too much going on around them. Holding onto these expectations can lead to hurt feelings and conflict.
We’ve learned to let go of expectations. If we need to step outside for a walk in the snow instead of untangling the lights or finishing the potato salad, we do. If we want to do puzzles instead, we do puzzles. We’ve released the idea of a "perfect holiday." We simply spend time together in whatever way feels right. Because, at the end of the day, that’s what Christmas is all about—for every family, with every child.
