There are a few proven ways to manage anxiety—deep breathing, distraction, and more. Many of these really do help.
Still, as clinical psychologist Lauren Cook told SELF: there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.
“As professionals, we have to see what works for each person, often experimenting creatively with different options.”
This means it’s smart to find coping strategies that not only help in crisis moments but also reduce anxiety over time. Some “habits” might seem helpful at first but actually just deepen anxious thought loops.
According to psychologists specializing in anxiety, these are the most common “solutions” that backfire—and what you can try instead.
When You Cancel Plans
It’s totally natural to want to stay home when anxiety hits. Sometimes that’s the best call—like if a situation really feels overwhelming, such as a first date or a loud, crowded concert.
The problem starts when it becomes a habit. Dr. Cook explains we often see this as “self-care,” but it’s really classic avoidance. If you regularly back out even from mildly uncomfortable situations—like always “calling in sick” before an important meeting—your brain learns that escape is the answer.
Instead, pause for a moment and ask yourself a simple question: would I be proud of myself if I went? A speech in front of people might feel scary now, but later it could be the moment you look back on with pride.
It also helps to rate your anxiety on a scale from 1 to 10. Levels 4-6 are uncomfortable but usually manageable, while 7-9 suggest it’s okay to step back. The goal isn’t to push through everything but to learn the difference between growth-causing discomfort and real overwhelm.
When You Turn to the Internet (or ChatGPT) for Answers
Sound familiar? Overthinking something and immediately googling a symptom, or trying to decode the hidden meaning behind a message? It’s a natural reaction—but Dr. Cook says it often amps up anxiety.
In these moments, you’re really trying to create a false sense of control while slipping deeper into worst-case scenarios. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look things up—just make sure to rely on trustworthy, verifiable sources instead of scary stories. For health questions, hospital or university websites are safer bets. For everyday worries, stick to the facts: missing one workout won’t erase your progress.
When You Seek Reassurance from Friends—but Nothing Feels Enough
It’s completely normal to turn to friends with questions like: “Do you think they’re mad at me?” “Was that passive-aggressive?” “Will I get fired?”
The issue arises when—often unconsciously—you expect a specific answer and reject everything else. Alicia Hodge, clinical psychologist, explains this creates a cycle where you only accept reassuring versions, which can be exhausting for you and those around you.
Instead, try sitting with the tension alone for just 10 minutes. Clearly name your fear (“I ruined the mood,” “I’ll get fired”), then find at least two realistic explanations. Maybe no one even noticed, or it was just a small mistake. Over time, this helps you rely less on others’ feedback.
When You Believe: "Once This Happens, Everything Will Be Fine"
Many of us hold on to thoughts like: “If I get that promotion, if they reply, if everything falls into place, then I’ll finally relax.” It’s understandable, but Dr. Hodge warns this mindset is risky. It can lull you into believing that ticking off one thing will fix everything—but anxiety and life don’t work that way.
You can’t fully control how someone feels about you or exactly when your flight departs.
What helps is staying grounded in reality. Remind yourself a project is just one of many chances to prove yourself, or that you can’t control when someone replies—but you can control how you spend your time until then. These small shifts build a steadier sense of control.
When You Expect Anxiety to Disappear Completely One Day
We often hope that if we read enough books, meditate enough, or attend enough therapy, anxiety will vanish for good.
The reality is there’s no magic trick that works the same for everyone and instantly ends anxiety. Even those who manage their mental health well get nervous before important moments.
Expecting yourself never to feel anxious only adds pressure and can lead to harsh self-criticism.
As Dr. Cook puts it: the goal isn’t to get rid of anxiety but to learn to live with it. Focus on small, doable steps. Can you send that email? Can you eat even when your stomach is tied in knots? Can you stay at an event for just 30 more minutes?
It’s a longer journey, but definitely possible. The more you learn to manage it, the less it will scare you—even if it pops up again sometimes.
