Society loves to put moms under the microscope, naturally expecting them to be solely responsible for their children’s behavior.
With a Smile
When my kid won the running race, everyone congratulated his dad, even though I was the one who took him to practice and inspired his love for athletics. But when he spent too much time on his iPad at a family event, everyone came to me with lectures about how bad that was. I never told anyone that screen time was off-limits at home—his dad was the one who always allowed it. I just smiled and let it slide...
Self-Esteem
I never imagined how much judgment comes with parenting. When my kids were doing well, getting good grades, and behaving nicely, everyone took it for granted. But if they misbehaved, I was instantly hit with “friendly” feedback. My husband barely noticed; all criticism came my way. Once, I vented to a friend who said it was because dads work and spend less time with their kids. Strange, since everyone knows I work too and we spend equal time with the kids.
I didn’t handle the comments well, and it got so bad that my self-worth eventually depended solely on how well I did as a mom. Praise from teachers swelled my pride, but criticism crushed me, making me question where I went wrong. The only relief (somewhat) came when I decided that from now on, no one’s opinion would matter to me.
Tradition
The traditional family model was that mom stays home to raise the kids while dad works and earns the money. Women spent much more time with their children, so their upbringing depended on them. Women tend to be more emotional and empathetic, men tougher and more rational. Even today, it’s common for moms to delegate discipline to dads. “You won’t listen to me, but wait until your dad gets home!” — sound familiar?
The “Bad” Kid
My little boy, always the model child, suddenly changed. He didn’t want to go to school, skipped homework, and became rude and uninterested. Everyone blamed me. My husband only felt the impact when he got pitying remarks about having an incompetent wife who couldn’t discipline her kid. I became "the mom with the bad kid."
I always knew it wasn’t my parenting or his attitude causing the problem, but most doctors just told us, “Mom, be stricter.” Finally, I asked another doctor to investigate the root cause, and after three years of struggle, we found out. My son has celiac disease, and even a little gluten triggered an immune response affecting his brain, mood, and behavior.
The diagnosis took so long because he was physically healthy, and no one suspected his neurons couldn’t communicate properly in his brain due to an autoimmune condition. Everyone just saw a bad kid and an unfit mom. We went gluten-free a year and a half ago, and now my son is a model child again—and in the eyes of others, I’m a “good mom” once more.
Double Standard
If the kid is good and successful, everyone congratulates dad. If the kid struggles, mom is the one everyone blames. Why? Because since forever, women have been blamed for everything. Don’t look for logic—this is just how it is. I just laugh about it now, what else can I do?
Fair Enough
I know families where criticism is deserved. Dad tries to be stricter and more consistent, but mom spoils the kids to the extreme and lets them get away with everything. As a result, the kids become little tyrants who are impossible to handle. So, in most cases, we unfairly blame women, but we must admit that some family dynamics truly suffer because of a mom’s overindulgence.
