As a mom of three, I ask honestly: Do they have more time, or just live a different life?
Misconception
As a woman without kids (but not childless by choice), I’ve often encountered this question. Somehow, my friends with families assume that because I didn’t have children, my life is just cocktails, manicures, and Netflix. As if I don’t have a mortgage, free utilities, or bills to pay at the store. But honestly, our lives aren’t that different. I shop and cook after work, clean, iron, and do laundry on weekends, and visit family just like anyone else.
Cooking for one or two takes just as much time as for a family of four, and my partner and I have just as many family activities. My water heater breaks down too, and I stand in line for paperwork, wait at the doctor’s office, and sit in traffic jams just like everyone else. Every weekend, I care for my sick father and babysit my sister’s kids. I admit having children is harder, but my life isn’t as easy as it seems—it’s full of work, responsibility, and stress too.
Financial Freedom
I checked my bank account and realized I can still afford to buy that vacation home I’ve been eyeing without giving up my usual three vacations this year. In spring, we’re heading to the US with friends; summer, it’s Iceland with my partner; and in fall, I’ll explore the Caucasus with a hiking group. I have big plans for the vacation home—a bit of DIY renovation and lots of weekends with friends, cooking over an open fire, sipping wine, and kayaking.
Emptiness
I come home from work, grab a bite, and take my dog for a walk. Apart from him, my life feels empty—I barely talk to anyone, and nothing much ever happens.
Fulfillment
I live a full life and feel content. I work out twice a week after work, and on other weekdays, I meet friends for coffee or dinner. Every weekend includes some big group gathering with friends and family. I live consciously, unlike my mom friends, who seem to just drift and struggle to keep afloat. My days aren’t rushed, stressful, or crisis-filled; they’re calm and always hold something good and enjoyable. I love my friends with families and deeply admire their strength and perseverance, but sometimes I’m shocked thinking about what they go through. I could never live the way they do.
Giving Back
Since I didn’t have kids, I wanted to give something back to society—I felt I owed that to others. I started a foundation that collects gifts for children in need, and alongside work, this fills my life. Oh, and men. Now at 33, I finally feel comfortable in my skin and in control of my sexuality, so I don’t say no to enjoyable casual relationships until I find the one I want to grow old with.
Hard Work Pays Off
Until I was 40, I worked incredibly hard. Back then, the intensity of my life wasn’t so different from my mom friends’—while they dropped kids off at daycare or school, I was still working late at the office and coming home exhausted. My goal was to build financial security by 40 that would let me "retire", and I did just that. I rented out my apartments and now travel the world on passive income. I don’t stay in five-star hotels or eat at fancy restaurants every day, but I get to all the places I want—and that’s the freedom I’ve always dreamed of.
Alone Time
When I’m bored, I read or watch a series. When loneliness hits, I volunteer at a nearby animal shelter. I shop for my elderly neighbor. I wanted kids but it didn’t happen, so I focus on helping others in my free time.
Career
I thrive in my profession. I always wanted to be a doctor (a surgeon) since I was a little girl. As a teenager, my uncle—also a doctor—sat me down and told me to decide: surgeon or mom, because you can’t do both. "By the time you get the hang of work, you’ll be over 30 and running out of time. You have one or two kids, lose 3-6 years before coming back, and the field has moved on—you start over. This profession demands more than you can give with small children." I knew he was right and made my choice. My passion for medicine was stronger than for motherhood, so it wasn’t really a question. I’ve never regretted choosing surgery. I love my job—it fills me completely. My husband is also a surgeon, and our life is full and happy without kids.
Focus
Tonight I’m going to a massage, tomorrow we’re trying a Lebanese restaurant with friends, and the weekend brings a concert. Every week has something new and exciting. My husband and I live for each other and have grown so fulfilled in this relationship that neither of us wanted to start a family. We’ve seen how much kids test love in our friends’ lives, and we didn’t complicate ours when everything is perfect—hiking, wellness, skiing, sailing, and quietly reading together on the couch after dinner.
Opportunities
Even as a single, I have no time to spare—my hobbies fill my days. I crochet, do yoga, salsa, run, and play keyboards/vocals in an amateur band. Every month has a race or a gig, and to keep life busy, I enrolled in another course. My friends just roll their eyes—besides my three degrees, personal trainer, pastry chef, and massage therapist certifications, plus motorcycle, sailing, and motorboat licenses, I’ve now started studying sports psychology too. Life’s short; you have to try everything.
