Have men ever accused you of having too high standards when it was actually the other way around?
Deeper than deep
It really bothers me when people say my standards are too high. I have to explain that my standards aren’t high at all—they’re practically on the ground, yet men still can’t meet them. Not only can’t they meet them, they can’t even step over them—they trip instead. Looking at the women—and their partners—around me, the bar is set in the Mariana Trench, or worse: in hell.
Are you sure?
Once, a date told me that a woman who spends more than 15 minutes in front of the mirror is a keeper for him—meaning a “red flag,” a sign she’s problematic. I asked if he’d heard that on some misogynistic alpha-male podcast, but he insisted it was his own observation. Apparently, any woman who cares about her appearance—picking out her outfit, doing her hair, putting on some makeup—was too much for him. Because if you do all that, you’ve already blown past the 15-minute mark.
I thought about how the men usually show up for my dates. Maybe two guys looked like they actually prepared, but everyone else came in worn-out, dirty jeans, greasy hair, and unkempt nails. I’m not expecting a tuxedo, just a decent pair of shoes instead of sneakers. If that’s a “red flag,” so be it.
The caretaker
I’ve had several friends who expected me to do their laundry, cook dinner, keep the apartment tidy, and iron their shirts when needed. On top of that, I had to emotionally pamper them because they constantly needed understanding, praise, and care. Meanwhile, they did almost nothing for me. So I’m baffled by the idea that single women can’t find partners because their expectations are too high. I’d be happy just not to feel like my partner’s maid and mom…
Maintenance
I never understood why my coworkers often joke about how expensive women are. When I asked, they said they meant things like hair, skincare, nails, lashes, lotions, and makeup—the ongoing upkeep women need. I asked when they last paid for a woman’s hairdresser, beautician, nail artist, lash extensions, or makeup. They went silent, then one admitted he gave his girlfriend a massage for Christmas. I realized that to them, a woman “costs a lot” if they can’t keep up financially.
Golddigger
I shared with a group that I had two dates with a guy who was sweet but didn’t sweep me off my feet—and when I found out he didn’t have a car or a driver’s license, I decided not to meet again. The men in the group all gasped in unison, calling me superficial and rude, and even used the “golddigger” label. I told them to stop. I got my license at 19, paying for it myself while working summer jobs during high school. I bought my first old, beat-up car after graduating college, with money I earned waitressing. Now, at 37, I have a decent car, and I think it’s not unreasonable to expect not to be the one driving my partner around.
With that guy, we walked home after the first date (he walked me home), but the second date was on the other side of town, and I ended up taking a taxi home at night because he only offered to wait with me for the night bus. At 37, I’m not taking the night bus—sorry. So much for a golddigger… What kind of gold was I supposed to find in a guy without a car?
High maintenance
My brother said he’s had enough of “high maintenance” women. I asked what that meant, and he said women who love being the center of attention and expect everyone to focus on them. I thought about it and realized I know only one woman like that, but at least a dozen men. If anyone demands constant attention and admiration, it’s the men. They don’t care what a woman says, but they expect us to hang on their every word.
