Key rules to save you from the chaos of almost-relationships.
Say It Out Loud
I spent a whole year “being with” someone who wouldn’t say what we actually were. I thought he just feared labels, so I didn’t push it: I believed if I was patient, he’d eventually say we were a couple. Then, after meeting all his friends, going on multiple trips together, practically living half the time at his place—and wasting a year of my life—it hit me hard when he introduced me to his mom as just a friend. That’s when I learned: if you live like a couple, you need to say it out loud. If he won’t but you want to, it’s time to say goodbye. Don’t let him enjoy all the perks of having a girlfriend without the commitment.
Don’t Overthink
Stop overanalyzing everything. Obsessing over why he likes your story but hasn’t replied to your message in three days only hurts you. Don’t screenshot chats or dissect them with your friends—that’s a draining, endless loop. Wondering “why is he jealous of my friend if he doesn’t want to date me?” only hurts you more. If this is a situationship—a bit more than friends with benefits—don’t let it mean more to you.
Don’t Confuse
Say it loud enough for the back row to hear: Physical intimacy doesn’t equal emotional depth. Cuddling after sex releases oxytocin, but don’t create feelings where there aren’t any.
Balance
Don’t give more than you get. Don’t cook dinner if he comes over and he won’t even offer you a glass of water when you’re at his place. If he disappears for days or weeks, don’t jump at the first word when he reappears. Match your effort to his enthusiasm.
Don’t Be a Last-Minute Option
Don’t confuse a spontaneous meet-up with him checking in just because he’s horny—and you immediately drop everything. That’s super convenient for him, but know that his plans got canceled and you’re the backup plan. Never reschedule your plans for a last-minute “what are you doing tonight?” message. If you’re always an afterthought, that’s not spontaneity—it’s a lack of effort.
Set Boundaries
If your almost-relationship has lasted months but he hasn’t introduced you to anyone, never taken you out, and all your time together happens only at his place or in bed, this isn’t a situationship—it’s just sex. That’s okay if you’re happy, but be clear: it’s casual sex, nothing more.
Keep Dating
There’s no situationship worth pausing your dating life for. Someone who doesn’t want a real relationship with you doesn’t deserve your loyalty. Don’t hope it will turn serious—it’s just self-sabotage. Stay open to finding someone proud to call you their girlfriend and have you belong to them.
The Future
Don’t plan too far ahead in a situationship—that’s a guaranteed recipe for disappointment. Buying tickets for a concert or inviting him to a wedding six months away? That sets false expectations and will only leave you sad if he’s no longer in your life then.
Clear Communication
From the start, be clear about what each of you wants. If he doesn’t want a real relationship and you’re okay with that, great. But don’t keep asking if he wants more. And if you start feeling more but he still won’t commit, let go. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.
The Forbidden Sentence.
Never say “I love you” to someone who isn’t ready to say it back. Save that for the one who loves you, is proud of you, and wants to be with you.
