At heart, I tend to be a bit cynical, but I do believe in marriage — especially a happy one. I believe marriage is a deep, beautiful commitment: two people working together to support and love each other for life.
That said, I’m not extreme about it. I also believe that sometimes, no matter how much two people thought things would work out, they reach a point where it’s better to go their separate ways. It would be hypocritical to judge others for divorcing, especially since I’ve been through a marriage that didn’t work out.
If there’s such a thing as a “lucky” divorce, I count myself among them. My marriage ended peacefully, without dramatic scenes or big fights, and neither of us threw mud at the other. We simply accepted that something had ended and there was no going back.
To be honest, the first night my (ex) husband didn’t sleep in our shared home anymore, I felt a kind of relieved happiness.
Even so, I think divorce is definitely a phase in life that demands a lot of self-reflection.
After all, not long before, I had promised someone I’d spend my life with them. What led to that decision? What changed since then? What made me decide to take the path of separation now? How can I trust myself again if I ever feel I want to spend a lifetime with someone else?
Hard Work, Not Just a Saturday Night Party
These are tough questions, but you can’t avoid them if you don’t want your divorce to shadow you for life. No one is worth less or “damaged goods” just because they had a marriage that didn’t work out. But to move forward from these failed relationships, you really have to put in the work. You need to ask yourself the hard questions, accept your part of the responsibility, and recognize the other’s. You have to put things right inside yourself.
Reframing divorce as a new opportunity or chapter instead of a tragic failure isn’t a bad thing at all. But divorce parties (not always, but often) try to skip the work that’s essential to truly start fresh.
The popping champagne, the black evening dress, and the cake with the ex’s photo that you can cut into — to me, they say: I’m still not over this. And that’s a valid feeling. But moving on only happens by facing the truth. Blurring the picture with an Instagram filter only makes it harder for ourselves.
