Spend just 15 minutes wandering the right corners of the internet, and you might feel like happiness has become some kind of digital holy grail. Everywhere you scroll, self-proclaimed mentors, lifestyle coaches, and armchair psychologists promise to help you find it. Then they tell you exactly how to finally be happy. As if happiness is some secret knowledge delivered by a well-crafted newsletter or a motivational video.
But if there’s such huge demand for happiness guides, isn’t that a sign that many people just can’t find it? And if so many are searching, it makes you wonder: is it really that hard to find? So, where exactly is happiness?
When I was in high school, I shared a dorm room with seven other girls, but the wall next to my bed—about two square meters—was mine alone. It held posters of my favorite bands, photos of my friends, and a quote from Leo Tolstoy: “If you want to be happy, be.”
I loved that quote. At sixteen, I felt like I’d cracked the code of life with it. Like happiness was just a choice: a morning move, like deciding whether to tie your hair up or leave it down. Back then, I thought it was that simple.
Now, at 37, I see life is way more complex, layered, and sometimes tougher than my teenage self imagined. Many believe adulthood will bring emotional security, stability, and peace, but really, we just learn to fear, hope, fight, and celebrate differently. Still, my relationship with that Tolstoy quote hasn’t changed much.
Today, I still believe happiness ultimately comes down to a choice, and everything else is just support. I also believe that while we can do a lot for our physical and mental well-being, no amount of morning meditation or ginger-lemon water can save us from days when things don’t go our way.
Days when the bus leaves right before we get there. When someone we love—or we ourselves—get sick. When we lose a job, an opportunity, a relationship. Or simply when we wake up feeling off, without knowing why.
Happiness isn’t having perfect days all the time. Because that life doesn’t exist. And it’s not about all our wishes coming true. Because that never happens either.
Happiness is more about not making ourselves completely dependent on circumstances. It’s about appreciating what we have, even while fully aware of what’s missing. It’s recognizing that life isn’t a constant scoreboard or a flawless TikTok video where everything runs smoothly and the light always hits just right.
Happiness is much more a mindset.
Deep in the internet and on self-help shelves, entire novels are written about how to find happiness. But maybe that’s the problem. Maybe while we’re busy chasing happiness, we don’t notice it’s been here all along.
Maybe happiness was never hidden. It’s just that everything else around it—the advice, the expectations, the fears, the goals—is so loud that we forget to listen. Maybe it doesn’t take anything new or extra. Just a moment to pause, look around, and say: nothing’s stopping me from being happy. So I’m giving myself permission to be.
