What if dropping certain habits could help you refill your confidence? Korean psychiatrist Dr. Yoon Hong Gyun, in his book The Self-Esteem Class: Simple Lessons for a Lifetime of Contentment, identified three such habits—and, more importantly, explained how to let them go for good. Here are the habits that could be quietly chipping away at your confidence.
Preemptive Defeat
Stress and anxiety often lead people to "overreact"—seeing situations as worse than they really are. "When someone tends to catastrophize, the problem feels bigger, and they despair and give up too soon," explains Dr. Yoon Hong Gyun. "Many believe they fail because they’re hopeless, but really, they seem hopeless because they’ve already given up."
To handle these reactions, the expert suggests exploring your deepest fears—like fear of death, loneliness, or financial collapse. Since this isn’t easy, some therapists recommend repeatedly asking yourself, “What do you think will happen next?” This often reveals that the real issue isn’t the fear itself, but the dread that things will spiral into disaster.
"Once you clearly identify what you’re afraid of, you’ll see the situation is manageable. Turning vague anxiety into specific, realistic concerns gives you a chance to find solutions or let go of the fear," adds Dr. Hong Gyun. In other words, recognizing and accepting your fears empowers you to act and prevent or overcome them.
Lethargy
Dr. Hong Gyun describes lethargy as laziness, lack of motivation, weak willpower, or poor perseverance. Whatever you call it, it’s a common root of self-criticism. "Lethargy often ties back to how we respond to rewards," he explains. "There are two types: positive and negative. Positive rewards are pleasant events that motivate us—like promotions, raises, praise, or attention. Negative rewards include failure, rejection, indifference, and discouraging reactions from others. No matter how many positives we get, if the negatives hit us harder emotionally, we lose motivation."
This can also relate to physical exhaustion or anxiety. Dr. Hong Gyun quotes French psychiatrist Christophe André: "Inactivity is typical for those with low self-esteem. They think: If only this or that were different, I’d act. Negative thinking and lethargy feed each other, creating a vicious cycle: ‘Good thing I didn’t try; I wouldn’t have succeeded anyway.’"
Many believe they must clear all negative thoughts before starting fresh. But the expert says the real problem is overthinking. "It drains your brain and breeds more negativity." Instead, he encourages action: "Take small steps toward your goal before deciding you can’t succeed. To regain motivation, don’t wait for a sudden burst of inspiration—just move forward."
Procrastination and Avoidance
Breaking bad habits means embracing change. "If you want to reclaim your self-worth," says Dr. Hong Gyun, "focus your energy on shaping your future, not analyzing your past. Let go of the habit of procrastinating or avoiding change, and set new goals."
Listen to Your Heart
"You are both the driver and the destination of change. We spend too much time comparing ourselves to others, arguing, or feeling guilty. Start by caring for your own soul. Identify what hurts the most, and think about how you could heal it."
Take Action!
"Every beginning is exciting, but momentum fades over time. That’s when the journey to regain your self-esteem feels less thrilling. When you reach this point, don’t stop. Working on mental health is always more effective with support, especially from a professional. If opening up to others is hard, try journaling, blogging, or keeping notes. Write down what you did and how you did it—this way, your daily efforts won’t disappear without a trace."
