My husband cheated on me with my best friend. And yet, somehow, I had to sit across from him in a therapist's office and learn to co-parent. This is the story of how I put my kids first — even when every part of me didn't want to.
Divorce is brutal. But the way you handle it can make all the difference for your children. These are the things that actually worked for our family.
Bring in extra eyes
One of the first things I did was tell my daughter's kindergarten teacher and my son's class teacher that we were going through a divorce. I asked them to flag any changes in behavior. It turned out my son needed a few sessions with the school counselor — and those conversations genuinely helped him. Don't underestimate how much a trusted adult outside the home can support your child during this time.
Keep their routines intact
After the separation, my ex only had the kids on weekends. That left me solely responsible for managing three children's after-school schedules — swimming, football, judo, arts and crafts, chess club, and piano lessons. Physically impossible for one person.
I had to swallow my pride and ask for help. My former mother-in-law — who I hadn't exactly been close to — stepped up for chess and swimming runs. A classmate's mum took over judo. My brother handled football. And my oldest got a transit pass and learned to take the bus alone. I was nervous about that last one, but she took to it quickly and actually loved the independence.
It was worth every awkward phone call. When everything at home had been turned upside down, keeping their little daily routines unchanged gave the kids something solid to hold onto.
Be honest with them
I didn't hide things from my children or pretend everything was fine. I answered their questions honestly, in language that matched their age. Kids understand far more than we give them credit for — there's no point trying to shield them from reality with a forced smile.
I kept them updated on how things were progressing: who was moving out, when, and what the new arrangements would look like. Being in the loop helped them feel less powerless. If you're wondering how to talk to your kids about big family changes, this guide on helping children adjust to two homes is a good place to start.
Say it out loud, every single day
Every day, I told my children that both their dad and I loved them more than anything — and that none of this was their fault. Children often carry a hidden guilt about their parents splitting up. Saying it clearly and repeatedly matters more than you think.
Get therapy — for both of you
Every article I read said the same thing: don't badmouth your ex in front of the kids. I understood it in theory. In practice, I was so full of rage I could barely look at the man.
Then I read that couples therapy after divorce — specifically for co-parenting — can be enormously helpful for the children's sake. I gathered every ounce of strength I had and reached out to my ex. To my surprise, he agreed. We found a therapist together.
I wanted to scream at him in every session. But I kept thinking about my kids — about how they couldn't grow up watching their mother go pale every time their father's name came up. We'd be co-parenting for years. I refused to become like my own mother, who referred to my father exclusively as "that worthless piece of garbage."
My children deserved better than that. The therapy wasn't easy, and I still find the betrayal disgusting. But the sessions gave me answers, helped me find closure, and taught me to manage my anger instead of letting it spill onto my kids. It was one of the most useful things either of us did.
Consider shared custody — really consider it
During our marriage, my ex worked while I stayed home with the children. When we divorced, I surprised him by requesting alternating two-week custody. He agreed. The kids spend two weeks with him, two weeks with me.
That arrangement gave me the chance to go back to work — I'd missed it more than I realized — and to rebuild a life of my own. If your ex is a good parent, I genuinely recommend this model. It meant he didn't become a "weekend dad," and it meant I got my life back. Everyone won, especially the kids.
Present a united front
No matter how much we disliked each other, my ex and I agreed on one non-negotiable rule: in front of the children, we are a team. Always.
That first Christmas after the divorce, he came over in the morning so the kids could open their presents "as a family." He showed up to their birthday parties. I wanted him anywhere but there — and the feeling was mutual — but we set our feelings aside for our kids' sake. They needed to see that both their parents could be in the same room without the world ending.
Don't rush introducing a new partner
I was already six months into a new relationship before my children knew anything about it. I waited deliberately. They needed time to grieve the idea of their parents getting back together before I introduced anyone new into the picture.
It broke my heart when my youngest sobbed and begged me to "be a family again with Daddy." I knew then that he wasn't ready. Eight months after the divorce, the kids had genuinely come to terms with the fact that their parents would never be a couple again — and when I finally introduced my partner, it wasn't a trauma. It was just... a normal thing.
Timing isn't everything, but in this case, it was almost everything.
