My daughter is turning ten this year. It feels strange to say because part of me thinks, "she was just a baby yesterday," while another part knows we’re on the brink of a brand-new, unfamiliar chapter.
It’s a huge blessing—and truly one of life’s special gifts—that my best friend’s daughter is also turning ten this fall. It’s no exaggeration to say that having each other has often been a lifesaver. Not because we handed out unsolicited advice, but because we knew we could be honest—both going through the same journey. Right now, we’re in a tougher phase again. We have the same morning arguments, get the same "leave me alone" looks, and end our days wondering, "Is this really normal?"
The Haze of Childhood and the First Shadows of Adolescence
To be honest, the hardships of earlier years have almost completely faded. Sleepless nights, endless stomach aches, and the never-ending cycle of kindergarten viruses don’t hurt as much anymore. Not because they didn’t affect me, but because so many wonderful moments happened alongside them.
Somehow, we became a family, grew stronger, started enjoying life together, and I’m left with no bad memories from the past.
Maybe that’s why I hope that one day I’ll look back on adolescence the same way. We’re just at the threshold, but I already feel how unfamiliar everything is again. My daughter’s body and soul are transforming at once. Some days, she’s so sensitive it feels like every word I say is a personal attack, even though I have the best intentions and endless patience. Sometimes she won’t stop talking; other times, it’s like she’s building an invisible wall around herself. I know this is normal, and I’ve experienced puberty myself. But knowing this doesn’t make it easier because it’s not a textbook example—it’s my own daughter, who deserves a different kind of adolescence than I had.
Two Hormone Storms Under One Roof
Although I became a mother relatively young by today’s standards, many women go through their child’s adolescence while they themselves are experiencing perimenopause or menopause. Mood swings, sleep troubles, fatigue, shrinking patience, and changing body image all happen just as their precious child becomes less cooperative…
I notice myself being more irritable during certain phases of my cycle, especially the luteal phase. My daughter’s dad understands this perfectly and has learned to handle it well. But I can’t expect that from my daughter. She just senses that "mom is different today" and somehow knows how to crank up the rebellion to the max.
This Strong Personality Will Surely Be an Asset One Day
In the end, I could even pat myself on the back for raising a confident, strong-willed young lady who stands up for herself with flair—and for nurturing a self-assurance in her that I might never have had. This will surely serve her well, along with the love, time, and attention we’ve poured into her life so far. We’ve also worked hard to keep our relationship alive as partners, as women and men, and maybe it’s this ongoing self-work that leaves me without regrets or feelings of loss.
Studies show that many parents today build their lives obsessively around their children, often at the expense of their own relationships, friendships, and mental health. When adolescence hits and these parents face the reality that their beloved child simply turns away and acts totally ungrateful, it can really hurt.
It’s hard not to take a shrug or a sharp comment personally when on the other side there are at least fifteen years of devoted care…
Maybe That’s Why This Time Is So Tough
While I rationally know that what I’m seeing is growth, separation, and identity searching, emotionally I often feel like I’m constantly being tested. Like every bad day, every comeback, every nerve-wracking remark is asking:
"Are you really sure you’ve done it right so far?"
At times like this, I don’t need statistics or parenting theories—I need to know I’m not the only mom who’s both proud and deeply uncertain about her parenting choices.
And when I truly feel like I’ve messed it all up, somehow a miracle always happens to set things right. An unexpected hug, a kind gesture before bed, a look that brings back the little girl I know so well. That empathetic, cooperative, loving personality reappears—the one I was convinced had vanished from our lives just half an hour earlier.
Maybe adolescence can be hellish at times, but it’s much more manageable when we don’t have to navigate it alone, and when we’re brave enough to work on our own struggles—sometimes together with a friend. And if, at the same time, we learn to accept that we don’t always have to be strong, patient, and perfect, then maybe there’s a chance we’ll one day look back on this time with the same gentle smile as we do on those sleepless nights.
