Childbirth is an amazing, intense journey that can bring out some pretty wild moments from moms-to-be.
The Face
It wasn’t a mom, but a dad who said the funniest thing I’ve heard in my career. He thought babies come out face-up, so he shouted, “Oh my gosh, this one has no face!!”
Silent
One mom endured labor quietly and bravely, but when the doctor and I looked up smiling – holding the baby – we saw blood pouring from her mouth. It turned out she bit her lip during the final push. She was fine, but it definitely gave us a scare.
The Hippie
Instead of her husband, a doula-certified friend was helping the mom. She didn’t want pain relief because she wanted a natural birth—but when her friend told her to focus on the “miracle zone,” she grabbed her by the blouse and said, “Stop with this hippie nonsense.” We turned away trying not to laugh.
Experience
A young woman’s mom was encouraging her to breathe and push. After a contraction, the daughter looked at her seriously and said, “Mom, you have no idea what this feels like! Don’t try to calm me down because you don’t know what I’m going through!”
The Tool
The baby just wouldn’t come out, so forceps were needed. When the mom saw them, she panicked and screamed, “No, no, no! Absolutely not!” We reassured her we wouldn’t squeeze the baby’s head, but she said, “I don’t care, but there’s no way they’re shoving that salad tong thing inside me!”
Hair Color
A Creole mom and a red-haired dad were in the delivery room. The doctor happily announced the baby’s head was out, and the mom asked, “Please tell me the baby’s not red-haired?” The dad freaked out, wondering why that would be a problem. While pushing, the mom groaned she didn’t want a red-haired child. The dad almost cried, asking why she married him if she hated red hair so much! The whole scene was painfully awkward, but luckily the baby was born bald. Sometimes I wonder what happened to that family.
Surprise
Paramedics brought in a woman who, despite the baby’s head already crowning, refused to believe she was in labor. “I’m not pregnant, it’s a tumor!” she yelled—only minutes later, she was holding her healthy baby girl.
Goodbye
It’s not uncommon for a woman in labor to say she’s had enough, refuses to continue, and tries to climb out of bed to go home. It’s always a surreal moment.
The Sentence
Most women in labor don’t form full sentences—they barely have the energy to think them up. Usually, they just shout what they want (Water!) and that’s it. But one woman kept yelling, “If after all this pain I don’t deliver the Messiah, I’m gonna be seriously mad!”
Amputation
My first day in the delivery ward was unforgettable. There was only one mom in labor overnight, and she spent hours screaming she was going to cut off her husband’s penis. (Not in such polite words.) The interns and I tried to comfort her, but nothing worked. Finally, a senior midwife stormed in and said, “Shut your mouth! You didn’t scream like this when you were making the baby!” The mom—and all of us—were so shocked she immediately fell silent.
