Samantha Rodman Whiten grew up without siblings and, as a therapist, wants every parent of an only child to keep these 10 points in mind.
Playmate
No matter how enthusiastic and youthful you are, you’re not really a playmate. It’s wonderful to spend time with your child, but if they only play with you, it can be harder for them to connect and play with peers later on. You’re an adult, and "kids need kid friends," so arrange regular meetups with cousins and other children. Ideally, your child should befriend another only child from their preschool or class, so the other parents are equally invested in playdates.
Winning
Whether it’s a physical or mental competition, or a board game, don’t let them win every time. If they always come out on top, they’ll struggle to handle losing when playing with other kids.
The Friend
Don’t treat your child like your friend. Only children enjoy undivided attention and often speak eloquently early on, but remember—they’re still young kids. Avoid sharing adult concerns like your personal problems, love life, family conflicts, or finances.
The Pet
Every child needs a pet, and for only children, it’s especially important. Having a dog or cat at home can make their childhood happier, providing a best friend and a sibling substitute. (Goldfish don’t count as companions.)
Group Activities
Don’t take your child to events alone if you’re not participating. If you won’t ride the roller coaster with them, bring another child along so they’re not on their own. Even if you do join in, you won’t scream with the same carefree joy as another kid, making the experience more fun for your child.
Screen Time
Let them watch TV, because it helps them understand what’s being talked about among classmates. Without siblings, they miss out on learning what’s "cool" from a brother or sister, and isolating them from what peers engage with only widens the gap. Also, allow them some time to do "nothing" alone—parents often overstimulate only children, thinking they must constantly entertain them.
Separate Life
It’s easy to "carry" an only child everywhere, but don’t take them everywhere with you. You need your own life too. Parents with multiple kids often take breaks from the constant noise and chaos, while only-child parents tend to bring their child along everywhere, which can leave the child bored. This is important even if your child is clingy and always wants to be with you—they need to learn that their parents have a separate life with other adults.
Pressure
Don’t burden them unnecessarily. Being an only child already carries big responsibility—they have to meet all their parents’ expectations. There’s a saying: "Deep down, no only-child parent is satisfied with an average kid." Mom and Dad invest everything in their child and expect a big return, which can be tough for your little one. Avoid saying things like "You’re my everything; what would I do without you?"—this only adds pressure. From an early age, they know they’re the center of their parents’ world, so don’t weigh them down with "what if something happened to you?"
Make It Clear
Let your child know you love them for who they are, not just because they’re your child. Siblings know which traits their parents love: big brother is smart, big sister responsible, little brother funny, little sister kind. (Only children have to be all of these at once.) For them, the "default" is that Mom and Dad love them—because they have to—but it’s important to highlight their unique qualities now and then.
Work on Yourself
If your marriage is troubled and you argue a lot, it affects your only child more deeply. Without siblings to share the tension, they face the stress alone, which can haunt them into adulthood because they have to process a difficult childhood solo.
One of my clients shared that the hardest part was her single mother always appearing cheerful and kind in front of others, so she was the only one who saw (and endured) her mother’s darker side. When she finally confided in someone, relatives didn’t believe her.
Address your own insecurities; don’t project them onto your child. Only children don’t experience sibling conflicts, so they tend to be more reserved and cautious. Don’t add your anxieties on top of that. Be confident, because your child faces social situations alone, and if you’re uncertain, they will be too.
