What’s the most hurtful compliment you’ve ever received? Not every praise lifts our spirit.
Age Matters
I was chatting with a colleague in her twenties about our schedules when I mentioned I don’t mind starting in the afternoon and working until midnight. She said, “Wow, you’re tough—I couldn’t do that, and I’m half your age.” (I was 38 at the time.)
Vision
A guy once told me I’d look prettier if I didn’t wear glasses. I told him he’d look better if I took them off.
Wish I Didn’t Know
Our company got a new website and hired a photographer to take pictures of everyone. When the photos went live, two coworkers stopped me in the lunchroom and praised how great my photos turned out:
We had no idea you were so photogenic—we didn’t even recognize you in the picture!
Coach’s Words
In high school, I volunteered as goalie when the boys were short on players. After the game, the (male) gym teacher came over and said I did a great job. I thanked him, but then he continued unfortunately:
Honestly, you move really well not just for a girl, but for a curvy girl!
The Partner
After my child was born, a friend commented on how well I chose my partner: “Your husband not only treats the baby well, but he clearly still loves you a lot—even though you still have about 20 pounds to lose!”
True Faith
At my grandmother’s birthday, I chatted with one of her friends who asked which church I attend. I said none—I’m an atheist. She was shocked and gathered a few older ladies to show them how beautiful, smart, and kind I am despite being an atheist. “You’d never guess she’s not religious, right Pirike?”
Bravery
At a wedding, I was talking with bridesmaids about 15 years younger than me when they asked what I do. I told them I’d be singing with my musician partner. They thought it was so cool, and one said how “brave” I was to get on stage in front of so many people like this. When she said “like this,” her eyes scanned my body. (I’m not slim.) The saddest part was seeing she meant it as a compliment, not a slight—she just didn’t realize how hurtful it sounded.
Levels
My family’s reaction says it all when I started losing weight noticeably. My daughter said I looked pretty. My son said I wasn’t so fat anymore. My husband said:
Did you buy new clothes? You don’t spill out of them anymore.
Putting My Face Out There
A journalist asked where my confidence comes from that lets me “put myself out there and show my face in my videos” as an online creator. My confidence...? I knew what she meant but pretended not to understand. She hesitated, then admitted she meant me “as a woman who’s not a conventional male ideal.” I asked if she wanted to know how I handle hateful comments on social media or how I dare to appear as an unattractive woman. She blushed and had no more questions.
Hidden
During my usual annual manager check-up, the assistant weighed me and while entering my data, complimented how well I hide my extra pounds.
