What happens? We trigger resistance and conflict instead of opening them up. Here’s how to steer clear of that!
1. What you think: “It’s good that I don’t hide my feelings from them”
What happens: Your mood leaves a mark on your relationship.
Had a stressful day and unintentionally pass that tension on to others, including your child? It’s totally normal that you can’t always hide your feelings, but try to keep your stress from spilling over as much as possible! Kids are incredibly sensitive to their parents’ mood swings.
If they sense you’re constantly tense, they might start pulling away. Manage your stress—maybe with some me-time—so you can offer them more balanced support!
2. What you think: “I need to know what’s bothering them to help”
What happens: Your child starts to shut down more and more.
When you notice something’s weighing on your child, it’s natural to want to find out and help. But if you keep pressing, they might feel cornered and forced to confess.
This approach often backfires, making your child withdraw instead of opening up. Try being less pushy instead!
You can gently note that they seem quieter than usual and remind them you’re always there when they want to talk. Giving them time and choice helps them open up more easily. Often, a hug or cuddle says more than words ever could.
3. What you think: “I’m listening, but I’m also getting on with my own things”
What happens: Your child feels unimportant to you.
When your child comes to share something important, maybe you’re cooking dinner or replying to an email. You think you’re listening and paying attention, but your mind is partly elsewhere.
This sends the message that what they say is not important enough to you. Try to give them your full attention when they want to talk! Put down what you’re doing, look them in the eye, and really listen!
Yes, as a mom I know this isn’t always possible every single time, but if you can’t stop what you’re doing, ask for a moment and once you’re done, start the conversation right away! Then, focus on them 100% for real.
4. What you think: “I’m just telling my friend, not the dad, it’s no big deal”
What happens: Your child loses trust in you.
When your child shares something confidential, it shows they deeply care and trust you. Passing that info on—even with the best intentions—can shake their trust and make them less likely to open up next time.
No matter how tempting, always respect your child’s privacy. This builds an incredibly strong bond between you over time.
5. What you think: “I have to keep control”
What happens: Your child starts to rebel.
When your child begins seeking more freedom—whether in the toddler tantrum phase or teenage years—it’s natural to try to hold tighter on things. But this often backfires, sparking resistance and rebellion. Aim for compromise!
Give them more space but make it clear that freedom comes with responsibility. When they see you trust them, you naturally encourage more mature behavior!
