A 2016 study found that 75% of moms said they feel closer to one of their kids, while 70% of dads said the same.
As the saying goes, there are two types of parents: those who have a favorite and those who won’t admit it.
We totally believe most parents love all their kids equally and treat them fairly. But there are reasons why one child might feel closer. Often, it’s about birth order—either the oldest or the youngest tends to be the favorite. This is partly why the “middle child syndrome” exists.
Gender can also play a role. Phrases like “daddy’s little girl” and “mommy’s little boy” aren’t random. Sometimes moms connect more with their daughters, dads with their sons, simply because they understand each other better. Age matters too—a sweet six-year-old is often easier to love than a rebellious teenager.
Other factors include the parent’s personality, shared experiences, and temperament. Kids often reflect parts of their parents’ personalities, for better or worse.
It’s no surprise that parents want to spend more time with the child who makes them feel more successful as a mom or dad.
Sometimes a child is favored—or avoided—because they remind the parent of a deceased relative, like a beloved father or a difficult aunt.
Just as families grow, change, and lose members, the dynamics with children can shift too. The once-favored youngest child might become a challenging teen, or a mischievous kid might grow into a responsible young adult.
Kids sense which parent prefers which sibling. If it’s obvious or the child is sensitive to it, it can hurt the whole family.
This can show up as sibling rivalry, frequent family conflicts, and in extreme cases, low self-esteem, substance use, anxiety, or depression.
A child who feels left out may carry resentment into adulthood. If you notice serious effects in your family, consider reaching out to a psychologist before things escalate.
Favoritism Happens in Every Family
If you feel guilty for having a favorite child deep down, don’t. It’s a totally natural feeling and it can change over time. Also, some parents clearly favor one child, yet firmly deny it—they’re just in denial.
Favoritism exists in every family and that’s normal. The key is to make sure you spend equal time with each child, offer the same support, and make equal sacrifices for all.
We’re all human. So if you catch yourself giving your favorite child a bit more time, gifts, or love, don’t panic. That doesn’t make you a bad mom. Instead, be proud you noticed it and give your other kids a little extra to balance things out.
