The Bird
I was sitting on the balcony when a crow landed on the railing. I told it that "yes" means two caws, "no" means one. I asked if it understood, and it cawed twice for yes. Then I asked if I should jump, and it cawed once to say no.
The Guy
I was in rehab, thinking that since I couldn’t quit drugs and had already broken my family, it would be best if I died. I planned to buy enough from my last bit of money to end it all. Then I met a guy inside who was the funniest person, making everyone laugh. Two years earlier, he had overdosed and survived but lost his sight. Despite that, he was so positive he came to rehab to inspire others with his story. Because of his love for life, I decided to live. I’ve been clean for three years now.
The Checkout
I went to buy a rope because I couldn’t find one strong enough at home. At the register, I realized my card didn’t have enough money. I was so broke I couldn’t even afford to kill myself. The absurdity made me laugh until tears ran down my face. Laughing and crying at the same time felt so good that I lost the urge to hang myself.
In the Cold
I decided my daughter loved her father more—he’s well-off and successful, unlike me, a broke loser—so if I died, she’d be better off. I had everything planned when I got a call that my ex-husband was imprisoned for embezzlement. There was no one to leave my child with, so I chose to pull myself together and be the best parent I could be.
The Driver
I was driving down a snowy slope and purposely floored it around a curve. The car spun but miraculously stopped in the middle of the road, not over the edge. Still, I decided to jump in front of the next vehicle. I climbed a big rock by the road and waited. A truck came, slowed down, stopped, and the driver—a big, bearded man—got out with a kind smile and said, "Broken down, boss? I’ll help push." I felt so foolish that I never tried to kill myself again.
The New Caretaker
The old caretaker was a gruff, unpleasant guy everyone hated. I had planned to slit my wrists, but suddenly we got a new caretaker—a kind, friendly old man. I couldn’t let him be the one to find my bloody body.
Plan Up in Smoke
I had been planning my suicide for a year when my brother died in a car accident. At his funeral, my mother said she’d die if she lost me too.
The Blade
The blade was already on my wrist when my dog came into the room, saw me crying, and licked my tears away.
The Match
I wanted to end my life after my favorite cage fighter’s world championship match, but the opponent got injured and the fight was postponed three months. I thought I could hold on that long, and by the time the match happened, I no longer wanted to die.
Coincidences
I was shopping in a supermarket, thinking about suicide. It was a few months after my spinal surgery, and the constant pain was unbearable. I felt I had no choice but to become addicted to meds or die because I couldn’t live with the pain. I saw an older woman crying by the dairy aisle and asked if she was okay or needed help. She said no, she was mourning her daughter who had taken her own life weeks earlier after struggling with pain post-surgery. I was stunned by the chance of this meeting! My rehab lasted two years and was hellish, but now I’m better. In my darkest moments, what kept me going was not wanting my mother to cry for me like that woman did for her daughter.
Cover photo: Slavica/istockphoto.com
Need help?
- The Hungarian Association of Mental Health Helplines (LESZ) is available 24/7 at 116-123. You can also call 06 80 810-600 for help Fridays 7pm to Wednesdays 1pm, and LESZ staff are available on Skype weekdays from 5pm to midnight.
- You can also request anonymous online support on the Ecumenical Aid Organization’s website.
- The NANE Association supports abused children and women. Their anonymous, free hotline is 06-80-505-101, available Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday from 6pm to 10pm, and Wednesday from noon to 2pm. They also offer chat support Wednesdays from 4pm to 6pm.
